Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:14 Advice episode, we have Emily Colet, um, who's 44 professional singer priestess and preneur single for a goddamn decade, never cried dating apps and as a serial, non dater, but get sucked in now. And again, only to remit be re remember why she doesn't date in the first place. Emily filet. What's up. I know we have limited because Martin all around entertainer, a choreograph, her by trade more recently in the last seven years, um, has rebranded itself as it stop it. My cat's tail, um, as a comedic actor doing various various sketches, um, period periodically, I can't see that word pear like a parody politics. Yeah, Paris basically making fun of everybody.
Speaker 1 00:01:38 However, I also host concerts, weddings and parties adding a personal but comedic vibe to them. He's only done standup twice. Currently he's producing a pilot sketch comedy show called highly unfocused. Welcome Leviticus. Mark Martin, Jeffery moon. He's the cohost of drinking, dating advice. It was a long time friend, um, and has graduate degrees in this test. Clinical social work is the direct small design agency in Texas. He and his wife, Laura just moved back to Minneapolis and are excited to be back. Yay. Different modes intros. Right? So we ha so we have each a subject to talk about, um, mine dating and relationships on social media. Um,
Speaker 2 00:03:10 Who wants to go first? Well, I think Emily's fired up. I think Emily's fired up. She's ready.
Speaker 1 00:03:17 I am. Yeah. What's your topic, Emily? Yeah. Well, the irony is that my topic is about communication and here I'm put up on the spot trying to communicate well, what you said, what you said was, um, I, men are reaching out and then when you re basically reached back there, they act like they're unavailable, but they like sent you the for what's that about? Yeah. Cause
Speaker 2 00:03:51 They're pricks. Cause they're pricks. That's why, I mean, I
Speaker 3 00:03:55 Don't get it. I'm I'm looking
Speaker 1 00:03:58 At you, Jeff and Levi. I mean, honestly, what would be the motivation to like reach out to women that you're interested in and be like, Hey, you know, I, I, so many somebody told me about you and you know, I would really love to get together with you. Like, let me know if you're open to that and you know, what your schedule is like. And so then I respond nicely, like, Hey, you know? Yeah. That, that sounds really great. And you know, here's, here's some times I could work or whatever, I'm really looking forward to meeting up and then,
Speaker 2 00:04:31 Okay. So think of a fish bowl, right? Like, you know, you, you got a fishing pole and if we like an efficient pole to a part of my anatomy and then attached some bait to my fishing pole. Right. And I get a little bit and I get a little crappy or I get a little bass right. Then, then I'm like, and I catch it pretty, fairly quickly. Right. It's like, oh, you know what? I didn't even have to work that hard now. I want a bigger fish. Hmm. Well,
Speaker 1 00:05:02 Hang on though. I should say in both of these situations, that just happened recently. I didn't respond right away because I am hella busy. And so it did take me like, uh, like a couple one and for the other one, well, the other one, I guess maybe it was like later that day or the next day or something, but it wasn't like I was, you know, sitting at the ready and responding. I don't think that part matters.
Speaker 3 00:05:27 It could be a couple of things. One, maybe they just, um, they're just busy as well, or, you know, they reached out and maybe they're meeting other people and they just, you know, cause I'm just trying to think of like times in my life where that, where I've done that. And I can't really say that I've made a habit of that. Like if I reached out somebody, it does seem kind of rude, like not to reach back out. But, um, if I did, it's probably just cause I was like either dating someone else that, that kind of got more interesting or maybe it was just, I don't know. Yes. Yeah. The date. See, I, I, I'm an old man, so I've never dated in the, in the dating app world. So it's a different, I can't really speak a whole lot on that. It seems like a lot different, I think metaphor is better
Speaker 1 00:06:18 Tune yesterday with some people that are in the dating app scene and a man in particular. And I'm, and I brought back this question up and um, he said he agreed because everything is so right. It's, there's so many options and everything is instant gratification. It's right there. So you know what I mean? Like something better is out there because it's right at your fingertips. So
Speaker 2 00:06:44 My analogy, my analogy stands, stands as true.
Speaker 3 00:06:49 He's got the, I think he's probably got it. It's probably good.
Speaker 1 00:06:54 Anything about that though. Is that like, okay. For me, because I'm not on the dating apps, there's like no options out there. So even these dudes that reached out to me, I mean, fair, you know, one of them, the dude that like left the, the voice message and you were like, yeah, like you should totally respond or whatever. So I did and didn't hear back from him. And as you know, even like feeling him, I was like, and you were like not to be open, like, you know, so, okay. I'm being open. I'm like willing to even go out with dudes that you're not attractive. And so that it's like, right. Cause they're just like, what the fuck, dude? You're lucky I even responded what the fuck is your problem? Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:07:49 That's the, that's the mindset you need to fucking have. Yes. So you know, like you guys, you know how children, we think that sometimes as parents, um, you have this inclination of wanting to be friendly to your kids, but a kid don't want a friend. They didn't want to fucking pair it. Right. And a man, me, I don't want a little girl. I want a woman. I want a woman that knows what she wants when she wants it, how she wants it. And I want her to fucking tell me that. And you know what, because women one run the fucking world. The only people that apparently don't understand this is women.
Speaker 1 00:08:40 Oh no, honey. That's not true. We are very well aware of it. Okay. That's definitely not. Emily's issue. That's a delusion.
Speaker 2 00:08:51 Damn. You know, I love you. I know if you, if you, if I was, if I didn't know you at all and I seen your profile, I'm like, damn, she looks good. And then I reached out, he reached back and, but then I don't reach back and I play some old manipulating egotistical man game with you. And you're like, look, dude, you tell me right away what it is when an eight, well then I have no choice, but to respect it. And if I want you and I want a little more of you and I'm going to listen and hear and respect it, um, as much as me and my child's mother get into fights. One thing I can say from her is she laid the law down right away. She was like, look, Hey, what we did last night was fun. That was great. That was cool. I liked it. But if you want it to happen again, here's a, B, C, and D what you're going to need to do.
Speaker 1 00:09:51 I can't even get that far. I haven't been that long. I don't even remember shit. I'm just trying to get a goddamn date. Okay. I'm trying to get somebody to like respond to that. We'd have to be more, we have to be like more set in our boundaries, like, you know? Yeah. But I think I know myself, I only have just started to do that and it feels, it feels foreign, but yeah, but it, but it also I'm I'm, I am sticking up for myself and letting you know, people know the person that I'm dating, know what works for me and what doesn't work for me. And we shouldn't feel like we can't do that. I feel like as women we've been taught that we should shut up and know that that's not the case with me. And you know that I know that's not your issue.
Speaker 1 00:10:55 Who has always been very clear about like saying what's up and like what I want and what I don't want. And then I get the whole, oh, well you're a bitch. Or, you know, what do you need me for? You know, everything. You've got everything handled. So, you know, I've been through all, like all of those stories. Oh God, Levi time and time again. I get even like new demand for like you're so self-sufficient and independent. And like, you know, so it's like either I'm a Virgin in the horror thing. Right. It's like either they want me to be this like little girl who like needs a man to like guide me and show me the ways through the world. Or they just want like some fucking whore. That's just going to be like,
Speaker 3 00:11:45 Okay, I'm just going to play devil's advocate just for a second here. Okay. So what were the question was about, you re someone, someone said to you that, Hey, this guy, uh, could be cool. He's interested in you reach out to him or whatever, and then you did and he didn't respond. Okay. Um, and so, uh, and I, you know, I get the, the, the Virgin and the whore thing, but we're really talking about like the intricacies of like those first connections and like how you first connect someone and how you, like, I mean, I guess to Levi's metaphor, like get a fit on the, on the, on the reel or whatever, and pull it in and find one that I don't know. I don't know what it is, but, um, so what is the, you know, if, if, uh, you know, like as a man, you know, if I were to say to you meeting you for the first time I want this, that, and the other, this is how I like to be talked to. This is how I'm doing. Would you not turn around and say, what the fuck do you need me for? You got it. I'll figure it out. I mean, I feel like in some ways, like, is there is, is, is there a relationship between those two things? Like if someone I'd
Speaker 1 00:12:47 Be like, damn refreshing and thank you for doing your work and no one who the fuck you are, and now let me tell you who I am and we can figure out if we got something to go on here, that would be the most goddamn, refreshing thing. I could even imagine if I didn't have to go through the gamey shit. Like, that's what this is. It all feels so gamey, you know, like, well, how do I respond? When do I respond? How do I be the bait that he wants to reel in on his little fishing pole?
Speaker 3 00:13:19 I'm not a fish. And like forming a bond with someone is not a brute. We're not cave people. We're not hitting each other over the head and being like, this is what I want. This is what you want. Do it, you know, like there is, there is a dance. There, there is. I mean, but I actually, I think, and maybe a Farah to your, to your upcoming point about social dating apps, I feel like social dating apps, like Rob us of the atmosphere in which we can actually do the dance.
Speaker 1 00:13:50 We're losing that. We're losing that, um, human to human interaction with each other because of social media. I mean more and more and about telling somebody there's about what, like where your boundaries are. There's a ton there's timing. And then there's a, you know, there's a way to do it. Obviously. You're not like Jeff was saying, you're not like, I don't know that you want to do that anyways, but yeah, it's timing for sure. And it doesn't dance. Well, I appreciate that. I appreciate the perspectives about the dating apps and everything. Cause I that's just a world that I've never explored. So I have no idea how that's messing with people out there. I have no idea. It really is it desensitizes
Speaker 3 00:14:30 People leave. I've heard you all use dating apps. I,
Speaker 2 00:14:39 Facebook dating Facebook suggested me a couple of weeks ago. Hey Levi, you should try Facebook dating. So I've tried, you know, I signed up for it or whatever. And um, but I keep getting the, uh, attracted these, uh, 50 year old, um, um, women with like five kids. And, you know, it's kinda like not my spiel, so, but no, I I'm really not actively dating because I, I'm still not out of the relationship with my child's mother emotionally. Um, and I, but I have dated before. Um, but I'm kind of scared to actually date again because I don't know what I'm getting into now. I mean, we're in a whole different era in a whole different age. So, um, I'm really kind of scared to see what that even looks like. Like there's so many, um, taboos and, and unspoken expectations and you know, I, I just, I don't want to lead someone to a point that I'm not trying to go to. So, um, I saved myself and them a favor by not dating right now.
Speaker 1 00:16:03 It's pretty horrifying. This kind of segues into Ferris question. Yes. Yeah. My, my topic dating and relationships and stuff. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:16:22 Yes, yes. Social media. Oh my God. So have you had, I saw some questions. Okay. He does have some questions
Speaker 1 00:16:32 That I asked. I put, I posted on, uh, IgE and Facebook. And so I have a few questions about dating and social media. Um, so the first one that I got was why do couples feel the need to fight on social media? Hmm. Hmm.
Speaker 3 00:16:54 I saw that one. I think it's because they're immature because I think that shit is so tacky. People need to stop. It makes it, it makes both people look like fucking idiots. If you ask me
Speaker 1 00:17:06 When they read that shit, nobody's sitting there like rooting for one side or the other. Everybody's just like, oh, dang girl. You didn't just say that.
Speaker 3 00:17:16 Yeah. Nobody wants to see that. So don't do that. There's no reason to do that. Don't ever do that. And plus it just shows you, you have no fucking emotional maturity, your class, like if you're dissing in public, like in front of people, like who wants to be your friend, if you're doing that, like, if you're just going to do that public discipline and
Speaker 1 00:17:35 Not only that, but how do you come back from it? You know, like wanting to dial own your shit open to everybody. And then the next week you and your guy made up and now you're like posting like fuzzy little
Speaker 3 00:17:46 Pictures of mini golf course.
Speaker 2 00:17:49 Right. And I'm like, fuck you guys, like, fuck that. You just were, you just was telling me you were I'm sleeping. PS, I'm sleeping. Oh, ran over my cat
Speaker 1 00:18:06 Too. Cause I know some of these people that like all the flowery, like, you know, these very, oh my, my partner is like the most amazing blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then you know that he's, you can honor, you know, and you're like, and other people like, oh, I'm so inspired by your love. And you're just like, oh, that's nice to do. I mean, I like to see my friends and, you know, happy couples, but all the fucking time, it's like, dude, we don't, we don't care. We don't really want to, I don't want to see that shit all the time. I don't mind if it's, I love that. But I mean, when, when, when, you know, when you've got the inside story and you know that that is not, that that's not the shit that's going on. It's just like, oh, come on now. I don't like it. Yeah. So the second,
Speaker 2 00:18:58 Well, so since you're speaking to social media fair, like Wendy, you say that it's a fish too,
Speaker 1 00:19:06 Right? That's what my second question was. Oh, that was my second question. When do you post pics? And when do you say that you're in a relationship? Do you want to hear it? The boys have to say about this.
Speaker 3 00:19:23 Who's about to celebrate his nine year anniversary with his wife and like was dating her for a couple of years before that or so, so I mean, when did we do it? Um, we waited a long time, but I, I, I, we were dating probably almost a year or even more than a year before we even dropped the L bomb. So we just, we took it really slow, but I don't know when, when I met Laura, I just felt like I knew right away that I was gonna, like, I don't know. I sort of had a feeling that I was just like, this is going to be a girl for me for a while. I just got the vibe right away. But then it took us a while to actually get there. Like it took us well to actually we took it super slow. But then also just on that, my attitude is if you're going to be with someone for a long time, why rush it? Why, why push it, push it down the alley. So pushed down the alley. I don't know what that means, but, um, in terms of like, I don't know, maybe you just start, maybe you just start like, um, posting pics at like breweries and shit together. And maybe you never announced it. Maybe you just start hanging out socially. That's my answer.
Speaker 2 00:20:27 Yeah. I'm trying to think when, when me and, and my child's mother got together, I did not make no official post on Facebook. It's not for the world to know like it's between me, her and the creator. And so I think I, I like, like Jeffrey said, I started posting pictures of us together at certain events. And people started putting the pieces of the puzzle together. Like, oh, he must have somebody significant, but I didn't have to make some grandiose announcement. Like, Hey, let you know all your other bitches that I used to talk to. You know, I didn't have to make some grand statement that, you know, you figure it out. And, and I think that's the way it should. That's the more tactful way to go about it. Because if you're announcing something you want someone to know and who are you trying to notify your ex or exes. Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:21:37 Yeah. W that's a great question. What is the purpose of it? And then I also want to hear, I want to hear what Emily and fare have to say, but yeah. What is the purpose of announcing that you're like officially with someone who is that too? Because the person you're with extensively knows because you're with them, we're
Speaker 1 00:21:52 Friends, know your friend, your good friends already. Yeah. I like what you guys are saying. And I agree. And I feel like going back to that other statement about like the, you know, post fighting on, on social media or whatever, it's like, well, so when you make it official, like we're Facebook official when you're that, you know what I need, like, just that whole, Ugh, like, you know, I think that it'd be pretty easy for people to tell like, oh, she's hanging out with this person. You know, we see him a lot now in her pose where he's popping up or whatever. And then if someday he disappears, oh, I haven't seen him in a while. I guess it must not be going so good over there. You know,
Speaker 2 00:22:39 I've heard this, I've heard this angle where some women have said that they did that because they wanted to let other women know that or other men know that he or she is off the market. But to me, that, to me, then that gives insight to an even deeper issue that, that that person has, which is control and, and ownership. Like, cause I tell people all the time in relationships, like you don't own another human, like you don't own them. Like that's mine, that's mine. That's mine. She's mine. No, no, no, no. She's not sure at all. Uh, she, she has her own life and, and, and so, you know, this, that whole ownership idea, like once me and you are together, you're mine forever. Oh no, I don't. I hate that. I'm not sure. It's like, I have my own life and if I get sick, you, then I can leave you. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. Like
Speaker 1 00:23:50 Purity of, of wanting like other people to know, like he's taken, you know? So like, Fitch's, that's my man. Everybody's different with that for sure. Like, I don't go towards like, he's mine, but I definitely, you know, like I want to put a picture out there and be like, you know, but I like that. I think that's cute, but not, you know, like I haven't put a Facebook official or anything like that. I don't, I'm not, it needs to be natural, you know, but everybody is different. You know? There are, everybody's different about that.
Speaker 3 00:24:37 I think it's important to look at intentions, but you really have to look at your own intentions that every, like you, it's hard to examine someone else into someone else's intentions because you don't really know them, but you can examine your own and that's all you can really do, I guess. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:24:53 Well, mine too, is that like, I am a very public person about everything in my life. Like I hear all the fucking shit and all my posts are set to public. Like I don't give a fuck. Who's trans. Yeah. You are. I've been in situations with men where they're not in that way where it's like, well, I just want to be able to share my life and I don't need to make it like Facebook official or something, but I'm not going to like hide the fact that we're hanging out or that we just like went for on a date or something. But then if they don't want, like, they're very specific. Like I like my private life to be private. I don't want, you know, to be put on social media. It has made me suspect in the past. Like, don't you want people seeing us together, right. Like to be a healthy balance of both. You know what I mean? Like, yeah.
Speaker 3 00:25:52 Cause I don't want my shit public. I know all my stuff's friends only. I don't want, I don't want. Yeah. But that's just, that's not like a, I'm trying to hide from people. It's just more like, I don't want anyone on the planet earth to see like where I am at every game.
Speaker 1 00:26:08 Here's my next question. Then it goes into what you're saying, Emily, what are healthy boundaries and how do you respond when they are crossed like healthy boundaries on social media when you are dating somebody? So for example, my friend was dating this guy for quite awhile. And um, on one of the social media platforms, she kind of started, there had been some red flags. She started doing some detective work as we do sometimes. And she found that he was liking and commenting on this. I'm on a few women, but this specific woman, you know, she was wearing a bathing suit, how lovely, blah, blah, blah, you know, while they were dating. So it's like, why are you making it look like you're open for a relationship when you're in a relationship and you're not being transparent to your current partner. And then you've made, you know what I mean? Like what is, that's a boundary issue. It's tacky as hell. Yeah. So like, how do you respond to that? I think that that's where boundaries come in and you say, this is completely unacceptable to me. You know, like if we're, if we're talking that we're in a committed, whatever kind of relationship, you know, it's just inappropriate and hurtful, you know, to see you liking pictures of women in bathing suits or whatever, wherever
Speaker 2 00:27:33 It was. No that hurt is that really hurtful.
Speaker 3 00:27:40 It would be here's the other question is, is it like a, is the person and I miss, sorry, I grabbed another beer, but is the, is the person that there, that this person is liking in the photos? Is that someone they know in real life or is it just like a model or some random person on the face?
Speaker 1 00:27:56 I'm not sure. I, um, and they have sense broken up, but
Speaker 3 00:28:01 Yeah, because I would find it, I would find it like we already, if you're dating someone and like, there's like other people in your friend group and you're like liking their photo or like, you know what I mean? Where it's just like, I feel like there's a line crossing, but to Levi's point or maybe the point that I just cut off. So please continue your point. But like, is it hurtful? That's a good question.
Speaker 1 00:28:22 Yeah. I think it's hurtful. I think it depends on the person because like, let's face it. There are many of us, especially at this age, in our lives, if we're still dating who have been through, you know, some really horrible relationship experiences. And so there may be some people that need a more gentle, compassionate partner, you know, who understands they have sensitivities to things or that maybe they are a little more insecure or whatnot, you know? I mean our work for the same time, we need those partners that understand some of those things. Well like, well, yeah, I mean, it's not that that's like the responsibility of the partner, but at the same time, the partner can have empathy for, you know, the work that we're doing. And like, not like, you know, not one, not one,
Speaker 2 00:29:15 Here's the deal. So first and foremost, Emily, like say me and you work together and I'm not gonna be checking your Facebook page. I'm not gonna be checking your likes and hearts. And I'm not going to be checking like your comments. Like I'm your father because I trust you first and foremost. Um, cause I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt first. Secondly, like if I did happen to see that you liked or hearted some strapping young buck that I'm intimidated by, I'm not going to be mad at you and I'm not even going to bring it up in the conversation because as far as I'm concerned, we're still together. You're coming home with me. Uh, we're still living together or, uh, or actively together. So there's no, I don't have no basis to even bring that up in a conversation. Like there's no authority for me to say, what are you doing? Pressing a light button on that, man. Like you have your own autonomy. You're you're all individual. Like I have no, I'm not sure. Um, you know, uh, overseer, you know what I mean? Like you, your individual. So I want to still be with you, but still respect your own individualism. I just wouldn't, I don't have a problem.
Speaker 1 00:30:48 I agree with that Levi. But like, if you and I were dating and like you had some wound from some relationship that I was aware of that like was really heavy for you and something that, you know, you were trying to work through, but it still was in your heart and you would even talk to me about it. Cause we're at that point in our relationship and everything, I'm going to go and do something that might trigger that wound because I love you. So I'm going to be very careful to like care for that wound. So if you and I were dating, because we're both kind of, you know, I think checking up on you, you know, like that, but I'm just saying, if I get what fair is say,
Speaker 2 00:31:32 You know, I would get kind of irritated if you're like Levi. I seen that last night at 11:23 PM. You liked Sheila, what's your sins picture. Yeah. I'm like, why the fucking you up anyway, the fuck what? I like the picture. It's a nice picture. She's in a bathing suit. She's a woman. So,
Speaker 1 00:32:00 Well, what if I came to, what if I came to? And I said, so, listen, I just got to tell you something. I saw like that Sheila and you know, and it was a fine picture. Sheila looked fine. Like I get it. Okay. I like that picture myself. That, that did kind of make me like, you know, would you be sympathetic to that? Yes, I
Speaker 2 00:32:23 Would. I'd be like, you know what? Maybe I like the picture because it's a good damn picture. But the picture that I'm looking at right now, you know what I mean? Like yeah. Good way. So Jeffrey you're married for nine years, right? Yeah. Yep. And I don't want to put you on the spot, but I know your wife is probably beautiful as ever and you loved her and he wouldn't have made the decisions you've made to be with her for this long. And I know there's been ups and downs, but you are also a human being. I'm sure you see countless of beautiful women throughout your day to day of life and operation. Um, is it, is it wrong to acknowledge the beauty of another woman while you still uphold the honor and integrity of your, your first lady? Nobody.
Speaker 3 00:33:22 That's what I mean. I mean, I think, uh, or that's what I was going to get into, which is no, it's not, it's not, but at the same time I'm going to be sensitive and not like, and, and also recognizing that like I'm probably more insecure and sensitive about shit like that. Then my wife is like, she's probably more on your level Levi where she's just like, I need you to come on with me. Like I'm not threatened by that dude or that girl, you know what I mean? Like, but so for me, um, I, I would, it's not wrong, but I think there also is a bit of like shaping of behavior of like how you express that. And because you do have another person in their feelings to think about, and I'm very thankful for the things that Laura has done, the fucking deal with my fucking sensibility vulnerabilities, you know what I mean? So I really appreciate it. So that's where I'm at with it, but no, it's not wrong to acknowledge. It's a human thing for sure. But you're also building a house, you're building a house together. And so you don't, you don't want to be kicking at the foundation for no reason if someone's foundation and the relationship, you just don't want to kick that for no reason when you're a pastor,
Speaker 1 00:34:32 It sounds like there are different types of people, you know, like Levi on Levi's it's like a spectrum, right? Jeff, I'm definitely on your, like more on your spectrum for sure. I know. I know. So and so, like, I think it depends on who, you know, what kind of relationship you want to have. What, how much commitment do you want to have? You know, for me, I want to be a partner with somebody I wanna, you know, like I don't want them liking or commenting on some sexy woman's picture. I wouldn't feel okay about it, but I have my, my own triggers and you know, like I'm really open about that. So it's like a spectrum of what works for you and what doesn't work for you,
Speaker 3 00:35:15 You know, actually this segues perfectly into my, into my topic. So maybe I'll just pick it up and go from there, which is, um, uh, my topic is about the, the con the border between like self love and honoring your own values and what you feel comfortable with and being with someone, um, um, compatible with your expectations, um, the border between that and avoiding the difficult work of, uh, maintaining relationship and being able to kind of weather some of the uncomfortability and put in the work to get past it. Um, and I I've mentioned this quote by email in Europe, uh, before it was the tweet that she put out, but, and the tweet is, uh, don't let this tainted self-love trend have you 50 and alone, because you walked away from everything that quote didn't serve you instead of learning conflict resolution and then other TA, and then on the total other side. Right. But I think related was actually from a listener, um, who, who sent me this, uh, instant message. They said, uh, the greatest predictor of dating compatibility is how you is, how you and your potential partner, both feel about being in the shower.
Speaker 1 00:36:28 I'll answer that question first. Where does everybody stand on the
Speaker 2 00:36:35 Shower? Oh my God. I appear to shower too. It's okay.
Speaker 3 00:36:47 Okay. Yeah. You know, actually, uh, Stephen Colbert turned me onto this a little bit. It's not that I'd never done it before, but Stephen Colbert on one of his shows happened to mention this. He brought it up to like the, someone that worked at the EPA or something, and they said, it's actually good because it saves more water because it's all, it's all turns into gray water anyway. So it saves water than actually flushing it down the toilet. So after that, I was like, well, maybe, but don't tell my wife, cause she's not down for that shit.
Speaker 3 00:37:21 What was the question again? Sorry, what, so the question I hadn't, I hadn't quite gotten to it yet, but so, so, okay. So I'm gonna say one more. I'm gonna say one more thing. And then the question, and I'm gonna say the question. Um, I was just going to say things in my life, in my relationship life changed when, when I realized that the person that I had, and I was imagining in my mind as like the perfect mate and like the person that I was waiting to meet and the person that was going to like push all the right buttons and respond the way and was able to say the things that I needed to and mean in the ways that I needed comfort and all that kind of stuff, that person is actually just me and that person doesn't exist in the actual world.
Speaker 3 00:37:57 And so I need to work on being that person for myself. And then once, once I, once I realized that I could be that for myself, then I could actually begin to accept someone else for who they are and be, um, I don't know that just for me, that just opened up a lot of stuff and it, and it took away a lot of the expectations I had of another person. So the question is this, how do you know when you're watching out for your own values, in what you want and expecting to make, and when you're shutting someone out unnecessarily, because they're not adding up to an unrealistic expectation that you have them,
Speaker 2 00:38:36 Um, you know, what can you tell, can you, um, I'm going to give you my, my child's mother's number and I'm gonna have you just text her that question anonymously out on her. Oh my God. Oh, that speaks to myself. Can you say that again? Can you say that question one more time? Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:39:00 How do you know when you're watching out for your own values and what you want and expect in a mate and when you're shutting someone out unnecessarily, because they're not adding up to an unrealistic expectation that you have with them. And, and, and particularly when you're first meeting people, and I think this kind of harkens on some of the old questions, some of the questions that we talked about before, someone that you don't really know that well, so someone whose actions you're interpreting through a lot of stuff that you don't really know, the context that they're in, you don't really know their intentions.
Speaker 2 00:39:30 My God, that is the most profound you're going to have to text them. Oh shit to me. Oh my God, that shit is deep. You ask them, well, how do you know Pharaoh? Tell me,
Speaker 1 00:39:47 You ask them, you ask them, you say, okay, so I'm, I'm, I'm having this perception of what's going on, but I, I don't know if that's right or not, like, what is, what is, what is it? You know what I mean? And hopefully there'll be honest in the answer, but that's the only way you're going to know is by asking,
Speaker 2 00:40:11 Well, I had to learn this. Um, and it's got me a long way. Everybody's not raised the same. Everybody doesn't think the same. So with that being said, I can't put expectations in Farrah that she's not able to meet, or doesn't even have the capacity
Speaker 3 00:40:35 To, or know, or doesn't even know that that's your expectation.
Speaker 2 00:40:39 Come on. And, and I think the number one problem with relationships is, or dating and new relationships is silent expectations. You just expect someone to know what you want and what you like without speaking, or vocalizing it. And as my grandma always said, a closed mouth can get fed because it's closed. So yeah, no, that, that, that is as such a profound question
Speaker 1 00:41:13 That goes back to your, like the beginning leave I had, when you were saying the, the, the mother of your child, she was like, you know, this was fun, blah, blah, this and this and this. Yeah. Yes. As
Speaker 2 00:41:27 She set those expectations, I mean, down, I haven't, I had no choice, but to adhere to those. Um, but I'm curious to know what M thinks about me to freaks question.
Speaker 1 00:41:41 Like, I don't have enough wine to get me through that question because it's so deep,
Speaker 3 00:41:45 You got to get started early, like me and Levi.
Speaker 1 00:41:50 Is that what you meant death by your question? You know, like, did, did, did my answer make sense or did our answers make sense? Yeah,
Speaker 3 00:41:58 It's kind of a broad sort of philosophical question, but I mean, you know, it was just getting to the point of like, how do you know when someone's really ha when someone really has different values than you in terms of like, I need to stop seeing this person. And it's when it's just like, I'm expecting too much of this person, or I'm expecting them to know me in a way that's not realistic for them to know me at this point. Or even if they didn't know realistic to ask them to behave in a certain way because of this or that.
Speaker 4 00:42:27 Yeah. I feel like the answer is like
Speaker 1 00:42:29 Taking care of your own shit, feeding your own, you know, feeding your self, loving your yourself. So then, you know, I don't know, like, that seems like,
Speaker 2 00:42:42 I feel like Jeffrey is speaking to me. Like, I don't know if it's the liquor or whatever. I feel like he's like talking directly to me and like, and let me say this Jeffrey, your voice is so calming. Can you come like at some time and read me a bedtime story. So wait to tell you that story, because I think you're speaking to me like, is he he's resonating with me and it's making all the sense like that is, that is the number one issue in my relay relationship with my child's mother is, is that like the, before the culture, the, you know, at what point do you realize that this person is that fitting your expectations? You know? Um, or they can't, they're not capable of meeting your expectations, is it before the maybe or after the, maybe, you know, like if this is, if this, if this whole broadcast is live and she can access it, oh Lord, I'm going to be in trouble, but it's okay. It's all right. Hi. But it is
Speaker 1 00:44:07 Recorded and it will be out in different platform.
Speaker 3 00:44:13 Emily, you've been quiet for like two minutes. So I know you got something to say,
Speaker 2 00:44:18 She's been, she's drinking, she's quiet. And because she's feeling the alcohol right now, that's why I was quiet,
Speaker 1 00:44:26 Honestly, like a little emotionally triggered by this question, because like, here's my personal experience, which is that as I kind of mentioned earlier, I am a very autonomous, independent woman and I don't, I don't need a relationship to fulfill or to complete me in some kind of a way. And I've known that for a long time. And so, you know, I feel like I hear men talking all the time about how they get so irritated by all these expectations that women put on them and they bitch about that. So then I come along and I'm a woman who really doesn't have any expectations when men ask me what it is that I'm looking for. I want to have some intimacies of passion. I want to be celebrated for who I am. I want to have somebody to, you know, like to, to compliment my life and make it better, like to have more fun.
Speaker 1 00:45:20 You know, I'm not looking for anybody to support me. I'm not asking anybody to, to do my emotional work for me. I don't need anybody to, to, to live with me or any of that kind of stuff, or to help me raise my kid, nothing like that. And as soon as I express that, whether I'm like actually dating somebody or even there was like a post on Facebook recently, where I made a joke about, you know, how, like, you know, it's not only crickets in my dating life, but like the crickets are asleep or something like that.
Speaker 1 00:45:53 And these men were coming from me cause I was saying, well, like my, they were like, well, what, what, what is like, what is your ideal relationship? And I was saying honestly, like, I would just love to be able to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with somebody who is feeling me the way that I'm feeling them. But like, we wouldn't live together. It wouldn't be a traditional relationship. We would like see each other here and there. But every time we saw each other, it would be, it would be like a date. It would be exciting. And give us something to look forward to. Maybe we could travel together something and all these dudes, and even one of them called me on the fucking phone to mansplain to me about like how that's impossible and like how naive and ignorant it is for me to like, think that and you know, and I'm like, well, what the fuck do you all want? It's like, you're bitching about women who have expectations of you. And then when you come to a woman who has no expectations, who's living a full, happy, thriving life on her own, but is willing to like share her intimacy and all this stuff with you. It's like, well, but what do you need me for? Like, you don't even need a man. It's like, you're just doing it all on your own. You know? So I'm irritated. I'm irritated by the question because you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't,
Speaker 3 00:47:09 But I heard what you said, but you said you didn't have any expectations, but I heard a lot of expectations and what you do. Ooh, I, well, I love you. I'm you know, I'm not, but I'm just saying like that. What you just mapped out right there about someone who you just see, occasionally you wouldn't live together, but every time you went out them, it was an exciting date. Like an exciting new thing. That's an expectation and regular people. No, no. And I'm not going to, I don't know your, your conversations with these dudes. I'm sure that you're, you know what I mean? Like I'm not questioning your interpretation of it, of your conversation with these guys or anything like that. But I'm just saying that like, um, I think sometimes even thinking that we don't have expectations or thinking like the thinking that we don't have expectations is kind of an expectation in itself, if that makes any sense, like we're S we're setting up this paradigm already, but look, I'm not, um, I don't know why, like I think you're awesome. Go ahead. I can rewind.
Speaker 1 00:48:10 Let's say that those are expectations. I feel like in terms of like a dating situation, those are pretty, I mean, that's, that's just kind of what happens in dating, right? You're intimate. You celebrate and honor each other. You have fun together. You go out on dates. I mean, that's like as far as expectations go, I feel like it's a pretty low barometer. It's not like I need you to take care of me emotionally. I need you to take care of me financially. I need you to help me heal the fucking things. I need you to move in with me so that we can have the house that we always dreamed of. I need you to help me raise my child. I need you to help me with my career. I mean, I'm not, I don't those kinds of expectations that I think is what I hear men complaining about all the time that they feel this pressure from women, you know, because it's like women have those kinds of expectations. I don't have those expectations by, and I have expectations that we can have hot sex, sorry, expectations that like, we can go out on fantastic dates or travel the world together, goddamn me, you know,
Speaker 2 00:49:12 But can you have hot sex? And that'd be it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:49:18 So for me, Levi, that's a totally fair question. And for me, Levi, what I have found is that when I have had sex with somebody and to get emotionally entangled, like, that's why I did preface by saying it would need to be a committed, monogamous relationship because I'm, I know myself that, that that would be an expectation that like, I can't do the poly thing. I can't deal with, you know, that open relationship kind of a thing. And I just know that about myself. So
Speaker 2 00:49:53 Monogamy
Speaker 1 00:49:53 Is an expectation. There you go. So, so Jeff, to answer your question, using those expectations, if I'm in a relationship with somebody and like they have a completely different value system, like, you know, they're not able to be monogamous or we have different views of what a relationship would be. I mean, well,
Speaker 3 00:50:16 I think there's a bit in between there. I mean, you, you mapped out a couple of, kind of big extremes there. Cause I feel like if I was w and I am, and I'm an Agra relationship and it is important to me. But if, if I were to meet someone, they're like, Hey, I want you to be committed and monogamous, but I just want to see you every once in a while. I don't want to live with you. And I want every day to be awesome. It's like that. It's like, okay, well, I'll try to fucking add that up
Speaker 1 00:50:43 Every day. Doesn't have to be awesome. But I mean, for somebody and I, and I don't, um, you know, and I, I just don't have this. Tony,
Speaker 2 00:50:51 You want some single, you want some single family. That's what the fuck you want? You want some words together, but I'm single.
Speaker 1 00:51:00 Well, I want somewhere together, but like, I actually really have a very full life. I've got two businesses. I run, I'm a single mom. And so the time that I can be with you every day, but when we're together, I'm going to show up fully present. And I'm going
Speaker 2 00:51:16 To, what if I fucked somebody on Tuesday? Is that a problem? Say, what if I fucked somebody on Tuesday? Is that a problem? Cause that's not the monogamy thing. What you don't want to be consistent. You want, uh, I'm I'm doing my life, but I'm with you. You want to jump rope?
Speaker 1 00:51:39 No, I mean, it could be, we could work it out. However we want to work it out. But I'm just saying, I mean, I find it fascinating. I swear to motherfucking Jesus that like my fucking complain about having to be roped into a relationship where the woman wants to be with them all the time and they have to fucking report about where they are. And they've got to always check in and it's like, God damn, she never gives me any fucking break. So it's like trying to date those dudes. They have dudes be like, well, it sounds like you would just want to be a single man monogamous. And like, remember it's like, what, what do you all want?
Speaker 3 00:52:17 You're not trying to date this guys, Emily, those guys that you're talking about. You're not trying to date those guys anyway, you know? Nope.
Speaker 1 00:52:23 Yeah. As we know anyway, so I really it's so fair was fair. Okay.
Speaker 2 00:52:39 What about my, what about my topic? Let's hit it. All right. So, oh shit. So we only have about
Speaker 1 00:52:50 Moon. What time do you need to be out? Um,
Speaker 3 00:52:53 I got some, I got some more time. It's all good.
Speaker 1 00:52:55 Okay. Levi Levi is, uh, we'll let him, let him, let him, why don't you ask it? Well, I'm
Speaker 2 00:53:06 Not as simple. It's just like, cause we're in a whole different era of time. We're in the fucking COVID era, pandemic era. Like at what point do you like, do, do I, do I need to show you on vaccinated with the, or do I tell you that before we go on a date? Like, yeah, Hey, I liked your profile. I'm totally vaccination or not vaccinated. Like, do I tell you before or after? And then once you answer that questions, I got like six more questions after that.
Speaker 1 00:53:49 I feel like you would do before if that's important before. So
Speaker 2 00:53:59 I don't know you from Adam. I, you see me on Facebook dating and you messaged me like, Hey, you're kind of cute with my messenger bag. You're your year kind of cute. Would you like to go out for dinner? And you're like, yeah, sure. Let's go to Applebee's we go to Applebee's now, before we go to Applebee's should have told you I'm Bakst or I'm at VAX.
Speaker 1 00:54:24 You're saying, you're saying yesterday, you think that that needs to be discussed, like regardless. Yeah. I think if you're in a dating app and it's, uh, it's important to you and you want to know. Yeah. Okay. You should, you should ask me.
Speaker 2 00:54:41 So what if I don't disclose it?
Speaker 1 00:54:44 So it important to you?
Speaker 2 00:54:47 It may be, it may not be, I'm just saying, what is your expectation has, has a woman that I could potentially date.
Speaker 1 00:54:55 I would say, definitely say before, because then, you know, I guess I'm just a big, uh, believer in, on dating apps. You just, you know, you just give the adheres, you don't know me, here's all the information, you know what I mean? So,
Speaker 2 00:55:13 Should I tell you, like I had strep throat three weeks ago? Should I tell you I got the phone like two weeks ago? Hey, I just want to tell you fear. I got the, I had the flu like
Speaker 3 00:55:24 Two weeks ago. This is great. This is great. And I think this, this is the, I'm sorry, I'm late. I don't mean to cut you off and all of that, but I think, but I think this is, this is the core of what you're asking here, because right now in, in current, like in where we are in the COVID pandemic right now is if you're, you're more in danger, if you're not vaccinated. So if you're vaccinated, like you're pretty good. Like only if you were unvaccinated, would you really need or care about knowing if someone's vaccinator in that because you're right. You can still
Speaker 1 00:55:55 Get COVID and past COVID when you are vaccinated,
Speaker 3 00:55:58 You, you can't, you, you definitely can. But in terms of like the actual safety of, in terms of like letting needing to let people know, you only really need to know about that. If you're unvaccinated or for like, you can't get vaccinated for like health reasons, or you got a child who, you know, is too young to get vaccinated who is vulnerable. So you just, you need to be around vaccinated people. But, but the question is though, and I think the interesting part is, cause you're not going to tell people you're oh, I'm vaccinated from, um, you know, like, um, you know, the shit that we get vaccinated from, like before school, like flu or anything else. But the real question is, cause I feel like there's like a social policy. This could be a whole topic, by the way,
Speaker 1 00:56:42 We're going to do this again. Yes. I'm like, this should be a whole episode, but I think we can talk about it, but I was very confused about it because it's, it can go for a long time. So, um, but I just let's talk, but I'm just saying let's not get too into it cause I want to get into, and this would probably
Speaker 2 00:57:08 Save, maybe save the COVID thing. Talk about that for three hours. How about this? What if I got a medical condition, right? Or it's not even a medical condition at what point in time do I need to tell you? I got one ball. I got one testicle.
Speaker 1 00:57:30 So that means that you can't have kids.
Speaker 2 00:57:38 Maybe it's the testicle that produces kids. I just got one testicle. That's what points tell you, Hey Farrah, as long as you know, I got one ball. Do I tell you that at the beginning of the conversation or at the point of intimacy, because you may not be able to talk to me. If I got one ball,
Speaker 1 00:58:05 It needs to be the balance. It needs to be the balance, right? Like don't do it right before you fucking cause then, you know, intimacy means different things, but yeah, like maybe get to know and then, and then tell her, I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 3 00:58:25 No, I think I know what you mean. The, the core of the question is like, at what point do you like, you've really start to let people know who you are because when you first meet someone, you kind of put goggles on and you kind of, you kind of hope that they've got goggles on too. And you just are trying to see the best parts about them. And they're hoping, you're hoping that they only see the best parts about you. But then as time goes on, you slowly start to take, the guy was off and you'd be like, oh, they're actually a regular human being with fallibility in one ball. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:58:54 I love fucker. Jeffery. He's the shit. I love him. Your chocolate.
Speaker 1 00:59:05 This is how he is. Most of the time, by the way, I want to say about this. So first of all, I am just going to go back to that COVID thing for a quick second, because I didn't get to say anything about, and I just want to say about that whole thing that like, if it would be important to you to know if some, if it would change your opinion about dating somebody because whether or not they're vaccinated, then that's your onus to ask that question and to make that decision for me, I wouldn't give a shit. And so it doesn't matter to me if that would never even cross my mind to ask somebody if they're vaccinated or not, I could give, I don't care
Speaker 3 00:59:49 After all the shit we just went through. You don't care if the person you're dating is vaccinate or not. No,
Speaker 2 00:59:54 Absolutely not. Neither do we have another question at hand here? We lost
Speaker 3 01:00:03 Our variable. We'll keep it real. All right. Now Levi's got more questions, Levi. What's the next question?
Speaker 1 01:00:13 Well, wait a minute. Hang on. I wanted to say something about the, about the, like the other medical things, like disclosing the other medical things. I only feel like that's necessary. If it's something that would affect the person, you know what I mean? Like one ball, I mean, okay there. So you might want to disclose that just so that it's not like, oh shoot, he's only got one ball. You know, that's not going to affect them. Now. I have been in two situations where I started dating people and they, um, I totally froze and didn't hear anything. I know it's okay. So I'm just, I'm just sharing that. Like I, as far as the medical conditions go, I don't really feel like you need to share anything unless it would directly affect another person. Like I was in two situations where I dated a couple of guys and I was really impressed that they like on the first or second date disclosed to me that they had herpes, you know, that they were taking medication. They didn't have outbreaks or whatever, whatever, but they felt like it was their responsibility to like, let me know that straight out the gate, if that's like an a no, you know, if that's like a boundary for me, they would rather me know now
Speaker 2 01:01:31 That's what they should, should have done.
Speaker 1 01:01:35 Thanks for that. Yeah. So like, I feel like with the medical conditions, you don't need to disclose shit unless it's going to affect the other person otherwise,
Speaker 3 01:01:45 In terms of like personal, but in terms of personal stuff, like if you're dating someone for a while and it seems like it's going to be a relationship, that's going to go into time. There is like, if you if like, you know, to use the example. If you got one ball, you probably are gonna want to have that conversation at some point. No disrespect. It's all good. Let's see. We'll notice. Yeah. You're going to notice in time, fingernails,
Speaker 1 01:02:16 Fingernails,
Speaker 2 01:02:19 Barley handle you with my dear. You don't need to do the meditation with two balls. You just got the one. That's all the questions I have for today. I don't know. I should ask you the question. Do you have other questions? You
Speaker 1 01:02:45 Know, like five, you guys
Speaker 3 01:02:51 Wrap up in like five? Sure. Okay. Do you have more questions Libra? No, that I
Speaker 2 01:02:57 Don't know. I mean, I'm trying to think rack my brain. Um, but this dating thing, because dating is so foreign to me, you know, I guess I could say, like, what is your date breath stinks? Or they actually physically stink. Yeah.
Speaker 3 01:03:27 I went out with a girl once, um, that her perfume was such a turnoff that I never wanted to date her again. Her perfume, perfume. That was, that was just, I don't know what it was. I hadn't even known. It smells like pheromones. What the fuck it was, but it turned me the hell off. And I never wanted to see her again after that. And that's such a weird thing, cause she's probably pretty cool or whatever, but like I just, I was out. I just didn't.
Speaker 2 01:04:01 That's the funniest shit.
Speaker 1 01:04:04 I have been with an I I'm sorry. I'm I'm apologizing upfront to all the British people out there, but I've been intimate with two British men and no poop. Once we got down this, you the, you know, like once we were like
Speaker 2 01:04:23 Poop, the smell like poop, we just say like, they smelled like ass. It was specifically poop. Um, yeah. Um,
Speaker 3 01:04:44 Here's a drunken dating advice. Don't smell like poop.
Speaker 1 01:04:50 I grew up with, uh, with one of my best friends smelled like poop often and she ended up having colon cancer. He died at 30. So that's like probably a medical condition, honestly. Nice way.
Speaker 2 01:05:12 Oh, oh my God.
Speaker 1 01:05:16 Those two. And let them know. They need to have a colonoscopy when people are
Speaker 3 01:05:22 Like, there's something
Speaker 1 01:05:23 Else going on, health wise. I thought they just didn't wipe the acids. So
Speaker 2 01:05:30 You talked about, so you're talking about a colonoscopy. I'm scared of that. Um, of a doctor dragging me and loose me my ass off. You're not the only one Levi you're now
Speaker 1 01:05:50 Just had one. You guys like two months ago. It was, I don't fucking remember what they did was they, you know, I I'm in the room and then they put something in IB. I was out. I I'll after I'm in a wheelchair. Huh?
Speaker 3 01:06:10 You're sure you read a doctor, right? Anyways. It's really, you don't even know. So there's to fear, fear. Are you sure you wasn't at a rave.
Speaker 1 01:06:43 Thank you Farah for being the pioneer for this group. So now y'all know it's not that bad, right? That's not that bad. Cause I don't remember anyways. Okay. We can't talk about this.
Speaker 2 01:07:06 All right. I'm going to need someone to hold my hand. Which one of you guys are going to hold my hand when I do it.
Speaker 1 01:07:12 Bye. You know, I always got you and your family is always here for you and your people. Get your call and check. That's the message for today. How could we turn to,
Speaker 2 01:07:34 How do we turn data book rebels into a colon? Oscopy uh, infomercial
Speaker 1 01:07:43 People. That's why doing this podcast? Wouldn't be saying this shit for Cola Trek. Yeah. Go get your colon checked. Well, anybody else have any questions? Cause we're I'm going to wrap it up.
Speaker 2 01:08:10 No, I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm mad at you because it's one 14 and I'm with yourself. We got,
Speaker 1 01:08:25 We've got a rehearsal. You have to like, just I'll bring, I'll bring you some fireball or something. It's going to be together. That's what's going on here?
Speaker 3 01:08:38 The question for you, man. Do you ever do stuff at Acme comedy club?
Speaker 2 01:08:42 No, I don't. Ma'am I haven't.
Speaker 3 01:08:44 Have you ever thought about it that I know they have like open mic on Tuesday nights you stand up at all or anything like that? I've always done it twice in my life. Yeah, because I live, we live down here and we live pretty close to Acme. So I'm going to start hitting that place up on Tuesdays. And I was just wondering if you were ever there,
Speaker 2 01:09:00 Right. I'm going to hit you up, uh, um, um, Jeffrey. Cause I love your spirit. I love your energy and just, you know, we, we can
Speaker 1 01:09:12 Be really fun. We should all do that. We should all go to Acme comedy club and go
Speaker 3 01:09:18 Every Tuesday. It's open mic night. It's we're we're gonna, we're going to go probably this Tuesday. So if y'all want to come over, we'll have a couple drinks here and then here. Yeah. Yeah. Let's fucking do it. Let's
Speaker 1 01:09:27 Go. All right. You guys let's wrap it up. Um, I just want to say thank you to everybody in your participation. Jeff, do you have anything to say?
Speaker 3 01:09:39 Yeah, thanks for joining us. We're going to be looking to, um, get the show tightened up and get, get some stuff going on a fair and I, our coast in the shit together and, and I'm back in Minneapolis now. So we're gonna, we're gonna be able to get together and um, we're gonna get some good questions, this show and, uh, questions at me. I keep saying like, but um, no, I'm drunk. I'm just trying.
Speaker 1 01:10:09 All right. So check this out, Texas, this episode and other episodes out on a date of rebels kfh.org,
Speaker 3 01:10:17 Shout out also shout out Steven Wayne producer of this show,
Speaker 1 01:10:24 Mason buzzer for editing or for sending, uh, this African FAI. Um, and everybody for listening and supporting and thank you. And for you guys being on and your presence.
Speaker 4 01:10:40 Well, thank you. It was fun.
Speaker 1 01:10:44 It's always fun. Hey,
Speaker 4 01:10:46 Yay. <inaudible>.
