Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:18 Okay.
Speaker 2 00:19 This is Farah with the date of rebels. Today's episode is with Ms. Carey and we are talking about virtual dating and Carrie is a dating coach, matchmaker dating expert. Um, she has, she's from Chicago and she has clients from all over the U S so, um, today we're going to be giving tips and just talking about experiences and I'm having kind of like my own little experiment over here.
Speaker 0 00:54 Mmm.
Speaker 2 00:56 Yeah, just navigating through these times. It's pretty interesting. Interesting. Um, you all need to connect and um, it's, it's, I mean everybody's doing it right now. I feel like. So, um, hopefully this, this episode helps you with your journey through this, this time and this is time virtual, virtually dating and connecting with people and um, I hope that you are on staying safe and making great connections and sending love. And thank you for tuning into the episode. I appreciate it. Take care.
Speaker 0 01:48 I was just
Speaker 0 01:49 introducing the show a little bit before you got on and wait, hang on a second. I have it. Oh, Oh, you were introducing it. Okay. I've got some crazy background here. I know you really do. Where's that from? Let's get that quick. You're in San Francisco. Oh gosh. Yeah, I've been San Francisco hanging out. Let's see. None. None would be good. I like that better. This is mine. And my cats will, there'll be going, you know what, all these videos that I've made about, um, setting up ahead of time. Do you know, so you know what your background looks like and here I really have not taken a single shot of this today. Well, hopefully the sound is okay. Um, yeah, I was just telling everybody how you are a dating coach. I am matchmaker from Chicago and you have many clients that are all over the country, all over the country. Yes. And um, I mean we're just how they have to embrace virtual dating right now because that's what's happening.
Speaker 2 03:00 It is the new thing that all the cool kids are doing it right. I mean, we are humans and we are wired for connection. And within a time when there are so few options available to us, I kind of think you have to jump in to, you know, feed first because otherwise we're lonely. That's how we're wired.
Speaker 0 03:19 I know, I know. We're all just like trying to connect and know there's like all these Facebook people doing Facebook videos and all this stuff, but, um, it's getting interesting. Um, so I just want to ask
Speaker 2 03:31 two questions thoroughly. Surely. I mean, how are people reacting to the virtual dating? Yeah. I mean, I feel that if it's presented in the right way that people are excited about it, right? I think it might have taken a little nudging people along or it might have taken people to hear friends stories because it was something unusual and it was different. It wasn't what they were used to. So I feel that a lot of people kind of went into it kicking and screaming, but yeah. But I think that now that it's, you know, we're in full swing and you can hear other people's stories that for sure people are like, yeah, I'm willing to try it. And it's, I've had really great successes. The people who have, you know, there's a lot of people in my clients who said, yeah, I, I think I'm going to wait until we can get back out there, but then a month or so has gone by and they're like, how's that going for other people? And I have so many great success stories. Um, it's just different and there's a lot of stuff that goes into making that a successful, you know, thing. It's not just do, you know, pick up zoom and open up a window and go high. Right. You know, sitting on your bed.
Speaker 0 04:47 Right. No, I mean you have to have, so like how does the do a talk about the chemistry aspect of it?
Speaker 2 04:54 I think chemistry is kind of like the last thing, honestly, because I think chemistry, there's so much that goes into it. And then at the end of this day, you look at it and say, do I think I had chemistry with that person because we're used to walking into a place and going, here's a person walking in and do I think this person has, do I have chemistry? I mean there are so many people I asked everyone I scream whether they think they, when do they know if they have chemistry with someone? And there's often, um, they're also often telling me within three minutes, and I say to them, we're both moving things around here.
Speaker 2 05:33 I'm learning how to do this. That's mine's pretty bit with mindset too. I'm looking for a remote to turn things down. But, um, I think that, um, that's not a, that's not chemistry, that's a first impression, right? So I think that I, I'm constantly fighting against that. And then we have to define chemistry because a lot of people think that a first impression is chemistry. Is it just the physical or is it all those things that go into that conversation that make you feel that you've connected with somebody? Right. So chemistry kind of that question. I feel it's great with virtual data cause you can put that off until the end of the date and say, Hmm, do I feel like there was a connection with that person? And how much of them did you see? Was it this much or did you take the opportunity to get up out of your seats and move around and show your house off?
Speaker 2 06:24 Maybe grab something you wanted to share during this date. So I think that it can be put off a little bit longer for a lot of people now. Right? It's not the first thing you ask yourself and it's uncomfortable. Most people are concerned about themselves. Like I really feel like I should like look at my, you know, but I'm like, Oh just everybody's like, Oh what are we doing here? This is so different. So in the same way that regular first dates can make people nervous, this is not going to be any different. You still have to get your head space in the right place before you can start. Right. Do a little prep work. I've made some pillows about things you should do before you get to the point of hopping on that date. Right? So just to get the angle right so we're not looking up your nostrils and positioning your iPad or your phone or whatever you're using, grabbing some lights or finding a great window. Those kinds of things. I think I am encouraging all my clients to don't just do what I did today and run in front of the camera and like pop it up and go.
Speaker 2 07:31 Yeah, that's, so I encourage people if they know they're having a data at a certain time of day, the day before set up the day before, look and see what it's going to look like. Is this going to work or is this time of day horrible? Cause the light's going to blind everybody. And you'd be amazed how many dates I've sent out and the person I didn't prep for this day to my clients that put in all this work to get things just so, and the guy shows up and he's got a bright light behind him. So literally she sees a black shadow of a face. Right. Not the way to do it. At that point I realized I had to start giving some like little tips to everybody involved so that their dates would be a little bit better. But you explore this, uh, this dating, you know, through the internet. I think your story's really interesting to Farrah because you, instead of just delving in and keeping it close to home, you opened up the whole wide world to yourself. I went to Spain. Darlene, you went to Spain, you just took off and said, yeah, show me somebody. I can't find a trader Joe's. Right.
Speaker 0 08:31 Yeah. I'm just really, not typically, I'm attracted to the men here in Minnesota, but, um, and I love Barcelona and so, and Tinder went international for like a while. I think it's done with that now. But like they did the passport thing and for free. And so I was like, well, whatever. I'm going to try it. And then I ended up really connecting with somebody and we're, we're having a connection. It's really nice. So I mean, yeah, it's interesting. Um, I can feel the chemistry, you know what I mean? So I think like it's possible to feel it like via across the world over video chat.
Speaker 2 09:12 And so I think what people you know, and you work this out, you, Spain's holds an attraction for you. The language holds an attraction. I think there are questions people have to ask themselves before they follow in your footsteps. Because I'd say like as a dating coach, I tell clients that, you know, when they say, Oh, we can, you know, and as a more, even more so maybe as a matchmaker, I do want to search in other States and I think we've got to talk about some things. Are you willing to relocate? What is your life like now? There are a couple of certain times of your life that that's easier to pick up and move. And when people are at the height of their earning power and a career settled in somewhere, that's usually for most people, unless they have a job that allows them to work from anywhere, the most middle years are not the prime years.
Speaker 2 09:58 It's what people are looking to retire or when they're first starting out and they haven't really settled into that job, that's gonna really empower them and give them the earning potential. So those people are super easy for them to pick up and go to someplace in other climate or another country even. But a lot of other people are stuck in the middle. So what are you looking for? Is this going and not everybody? I think we have to consider that not everybody wants a traditional, we live together and, or we're living together and we're married relationship for some people, somebody to talk to and like this every, you know, three times a week or every day, twice a day and see them a few times a year would be a relationship they'd be totally down for.
Speaker 0 10:40 Right? Yeah. I mean relationships are done in so many different ways. I chose to do this, to open this up at this time because I felt like I really want to stop my cat scratching on that, on the chair. I wanted, why isn't it
Speaker 2 10:59 me having crazy animal problems? That's usually, that's usually my house.
Speaker 0 11:04 My cat isn't, she's, she's something else. But I opened it up because I wanted to actually get to know somebody and have a conversation and like connect mentally and you know, like on different levels and not have a physical emotionally as well. Cause the physical thing just like seems to um, sometimes really obstruct, you know,
Speaker 2 11:31 it can mess things up. It can take you in a different direction and much more quickly. Right.
Speaker 0 11:36 Yeah. And so, I mean I think that's one of the benefits of, of virtual dating right now is just like really connecting in different ways and like kind of teaching ourselves how to do this in general then.
Speaker 2 11:50 Yeah. Well from a, from a whole different starting point for, I do think that, um, a lot of times in regards to what you just said, slowing down that physical aspect lets you get to know them in a multitude of ways. Like I always talk about when we say the chemistry thing you brought up earlier, is it emotional chemistry, physical chemistry, conversational chemistry, intellectual chemistry, or are you all those all attractions. But you can touch upon all those before and in a much deeper way before you get to the physical. And I think it prevents you also from hanging onto something that's not great for a lot longer than you need to. Right. Do you know so many people when we've all done it where the physical part distorts everything and we end up in this relationship sometimes years after it should have ended, but based on just that physical aspect, I know that's not going to happen and it definitely can happen.
Speaker 2 12:47 For me, I situation, we don't know how long this is going to last. Right? So it's kind of an experiment of like, maybe I could see you next week, maybe we're not going to see each other for four months. I don't know. But I mean it's probably, I mean, do you feel like it's something you look forward to in your day connecting with the person that you have been talking to virtually? Is that one of the highlights of your day and does it make you less lonely? It definitely, it gives me like this something, you know, just I feel happy. You know, like I'm connecting with somebody that I care for, you know, and so it's not just like someone to talk to. It's someone that I actually like, you know, I connect with and I like, so yeah, I mean I think that's super cool and I think that was an interesting thing that they took it upon themselves to do that, to open it up so that you are could search outside your own diet.
Speaker 2 13:41 You know, that parameter that they set for you. I love it. I think it's a great idea. I'm glad they did that. Yeah, I think so too. You know, I think about that TV show, um, love is blind. That was that big huge hit on Netflix a few months ago where the couples met, they couldn't see other, they were each in a pod and they were just talking. Yeah. Glass wall in between them. And not that it ended up great for everybody, but it did that a couple of couple of couples that are still together. And I think if they could connect in a way where they weren't even seeing one another like this, not even on the phone. And they were able to make those connections and fall in love just from the person's voice. And they did have that setup though where those conversations more meaningful than they would be sitting in a restaurant with, you know, people sitting on either side of you and waitstaff interrupting these conversations can get much more intimate much more quickly like they did in those pods and that we can certainly do it on video. And then I think so for sure. I think, go ahead. You were gonna say something I was just going to ask like,
Speaker 0 14:53 I mean, do you hear like
Speaker 2 14:56 mistakes? Like are there like some common mistakes that people make? You know, one of the things that comes to mind is that I think people sometimes don't put in that same effort that I said, you know, I encourage my clients, I don't know what you're wearing on your bottom half. I'm like, it's fine if you're going to dress like you would put in the same effort that you were going to drive across town, right? Put on the makeup and even perfume, if that's going to make you feel a certain way about yourself, that that makes you feel sexy and like you're on a date, then by all means do it for your video date. And so I encourage people to do that. But I've heard stories of other people who are like, it's just low investment, right? If I, if I don't like this person, I can just go still, you know, and call.
Speaker 2 15:40 So I think making it special in a lot of ways and there's a lot of creative ways to that. If you make it special and give it the gravity that it demands as a first date for instance. You know, especially that first one you can get super comfortable with somebody rather quickly if you do connect and then you could take it into every room of your house hanging out while you're cooking or you know, while you're, before you talk yourself into bed. But I think that first day but don't make the mistake of, I don't know, not giving it the importance that it probably demands if it is true, if you really truly want this to be special and to connect with somebody.
Speaker 0 16:18 Yeah.
Speaker 2 16:20 Yeah, for sure. Are you, thinking back, what did you do on your first day? Your first functional?
Speaker 0 16:25 I got ready and I wore what I would wear on a, on a in-person date and you know, like I set my,
Speaker 2 16:33 and I looked at the lighting and made sure, you know like I now have a pop socket, a pop socket on the back of my phone so I don't have to hold it. But like before when I didn't, I was just like holding my phone and that's not comfortable, you know? So like I suggest getting a pop socket or a tripod or something. I've got a little stand that my dad had asked for a stance. I'm like, they were very inexpensive. I have the pop socket too, but this one right here, there's your little hops. But even there's like a little stay on that I've used if I've been doing like cooking, if you're cooking chicken, you have to do that with a date to this date has to be seven o'clock for a cocktail. What if it's at 10:30 AM and it's for making breakfast together. You're both going to sit down with your eggs and bacon and a cup of coffee and chat over morning sunlight at a pretty window. That's, you know, thinking outside the box can make this a little bit more interesting than your typical, I'm showing up at a place for appetizers and a cocktail. So that's what I'm going to do at home. There have been some super creative things. You want to hear some other creative things.
Speaker 2 17:42 So some other matchmaker friends too. They've had people who have literally ordered in dinner from the same restaurant if they are in the area and had the same food show up so that they were eating from the same in the same place. I've had people who ordered each other dinner, have it delivered. I guess you have to make sure nobody has any horrible food allergies that you could get them into trouble. But they've done that. People have gotten up and danced. People have been able to share some of, you know, pull out their guitar and play a song together or do dance parties. I think the more sense of adventure you bring to and you get out of it, you could just sit and chat for 45 minutes. It's comfy chair. Right. That's totally acceptable. But you can also bring your own personality into it in a different way that you probably can't sitting in a restaurant or a coffee shop. Right, right.
Speaker 2 18:35 Yeah. I mean I prefer like usually on dates anyways, like you know, going out to eat is whatever, but I really like to take a walk. I can talk to them. You know, I love that. Yeah. And just like really connect in that way. Cause like when you're around other people and like movies are totally out. Don't go to a movie. Not a person. But yeah, like it's interesting that you could, you could like, you could do so many things with this virtual dating. Yeah. I thought it was really interesting and yeah. I mean, why couldn't you just take your phone on a walk and just pick up on, you totally could. Because one of my favorite dates is meet at a coffee shop, get a cup of coffee to go and then take a walk who have nerves. There are so many people who dating first dates in particular.
Speaker 2 19:28 Do you get nervous? Okay. Yeah. I mean there's, you're not alone in that. I there, I was shocked when I read that a huge, I think it was plenty of fish or one of the dating apps did a questionnaire and they asked whether people were more nervous for a, uh, a date or for a job interview. And they said a date. And I was like, that's your opportunity to totally be you. I was really surprised by that. But I love the idea with those nerves kick in. People sometimes have a hard time thinking about what to talk about and they get themselves into areas that maybe they wouldn't have delved into if they'd had their wits about them. So I think it's cool to have a lock and have all the input that that breaks. You're constantly, especially in urban walk, I mean it's nice out in the, you know, around a beautiful Lake or something as well.
Speaker 2 20:15 But I love the coffee shop, urban kind of walk. And one of the fun things that I've done did on a date once that I just was one of my funnest dates, most fun dates, um, was we just took our camp, used our cameras to take photos. We had like a little photo competition. Let's both take a picture of, you know, get the best who can get the best picture of this thing up ahead. Right. And we'd catch ankles and laughing and getting into weird anything where you can have fun. Right. And I think you could probably still do this, take a walk in your neighborhood alone, but with your, your iPad.
Speaker 0 20:50 I'm just kidding. Your pop socket, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder like I have thought about if this is going to change how people are physically with each other, you know, cause like people are kind of scared of touching and, and you know, getting close now and I wonder for however long this lasts, is that going to have an effect?
Speaker 2 21:24 I think it really only leads to more questions, right? I think that we don't know until we get there. I think there's a lot of, yes, is it going to change? Will we be have PTSD, you know, of like getting close to somebody or you say maybe it's just another test we take before jump, you know, like STDs. I haven't been in the past. I mean we've lived through other things that were dangerous to have and be close to another person over the years in my lifetime. So it could just be that or you know, like people say, are we going to go back to the way things were? Maybe things weren't all that perfect that we want to go back to a lot of things and maybe this is one of them. Maybe it's an opportunity to re-examine how quickly we do that. You know, I was talking to a friend the other day and we were talking about when we were, when she and I were young kids, cause I'm in my mid fifties you know, it was like we grew up on the tail end of all free love, right?
Speaker 2 22:18 All the hip. We saw those people who were older than us, those hippie people. And it was all about free love and as much physical connection is everybody wanted. And then all of a sudden it was like hello AIDS, you know, hello HIV AIDS, which was that pendulum swinging in the opposite direction because maybe it was a little too free for the good of society. So it kind of, and then we figured out that people can live, you know, a way that people can live with that. And it's back to the middle. Well now we've got, Oh, if you're near people you could pick up a virus and that, you know, so maybe this is just the pendulum swinging because it needs to get itself back to center somehow. I mean that's a possibility. I don't have the answer. Honestly. Maybe this'll be a buildup to a physical thing with somebody that will benefit the relationship in the long run because we've postponed it.
Speaker 2 23:07 Maybe it does take some of that pressure off to have that right away. You know, I have a lot of people who think that that they will know if they have chemistry at the end of a first date and I pressure them to think of it. Think about the situations like I ask, have you never had somebody that you were friends with or somebody you worked with that you didn't feel you had a physical connection until after you'd known them for months or maybe years? Cause I know a lot of people who were friends first and ended up married and it wasn't, you know, somebody doesn't walk into a new job and like guys like Whoa man. It's like he starts to enjoy looking for it. You know, her company at work and looks to going to work, puts in a little extra, you know, whatever they do right to rest and they look forward to somebody's sense of humor.
Speaker 2 23:53 So in the way that those relationships develop, those relationships develop. Maybe that's the way that these develop too, so it can go a little more slowly. Build your shaking and build more of a, for yellow here. But okay. I'm just a different camera I guess. I don't usually use my iPad, but I think that you could maybe build a foundation here first and that might change things quite a bit for, I think that makes a huge difference honestly. And I think that's, I think that's, that's what I'm learning from this. Whoa. My phone doesn't like I had to, I had to, I had to close the window cause it was just like all this traffic.
Speaker 2 24:38 I didn't hear it. But yeah, last I did, I was editing a video for my YouTube channel the other day and I'm like, what is that noise? And I really remembered what it was. There's like a bang, bouncy noise throughout the entire episode and I realized my cat had found a beat and he just kept throwing it around the room, the whole video, a bead bouncing across the floor in the room and I didn't even notice it. That's probably what's going to happen with this. Like my cat has been scratching and she like jumped on the door and freaked out and was jumping all over the place. And also something to take into account. If you're doing virtual dating, is that a situation where you want to introduce your pets on the first date and have that as a distraction or is that the time you want to lock them out of the room, you know, out of the room for that first date. So same thing for people with kids, people with kids as well. If you're doing something during the day, do you want to include kids in the background and all that entails or you want to make sure that they're, you know, tucked away for the night or something, you know, where I don't know where you can send them right now if they're yours. And if you can't send them anywhere but after bedtime maybe. So just one of those other prep things to keep in mind with our animals. Right.
Speaker 2 25:50 Um, I was thinking, you know, I've used, we talked about building that foundation. I think that even, and I'm curious if you had this experience, cause I think it's possible, but I don't know if people are doing it, but when you don't have to sit in there, you're not, you're out of your mold where you would sit there and basically so many people ask for a resume. People the worst feedback dates that people don't want to see each other. Again, the feedback is for me that it felt too much like an interview and that somebody was doing check, check, check. Yeah. Nobody loves that. It's, I mean I know there's stuff you want to get, but you know, and I recommend to clients that, you know, who date on their own without me as their matchmaker, that they have those, some of those conversations and get those major questions.
Speaker 2 26:37 Like, you know, maybe like where do you want to live or do you know, or do you want, you know, for some people it's do you watch it? Why bother? Why bother, you know, putting on lipstick that dress and driving across town for somebody who wants something totally different. So, um, so I think some of those value questions can be had before even meeting somebody and easy to bring up these situations. This is your first call and your first date all kind of wrapped up into one, but did you feel that you were able to, without the distraction and that set up of, Oh, here we are across the table with waitstaff walking around or just, you know, other people. Could you get into some of those more deeper conversations to learn so much more about the way this person thinks and a conversation more about ideas and perspective rather than their resume? Did that happen?
Speaker 0 27:30 Um, for me, yeah, with this person, well, um, it was really easy. There was no, like we just kinda like both felt it out, you know, there wasn't any, there weren't any like it didn't feel like an interview at all. No. Yeah.
Speaker 2 27:51 Yeah. I mean cause you can get down to not just your interests but like your values. I mean I always is that my phone blowing up. Um, I feel that I love when people on a first day can get past all those basic questions. I mean that's why some people don't love dating. It's like you get tired of hearing yourself talk about your history and those same, you know, those sames my brothers, this and my parents are here and I went here to school. It was my last vacation. So to get into a conversation where it can be and it can be inspired by anything. Oh, there's a book on my shelf that was reminding me that my favorite book was list and I loved it because of this and it represented, changed my life. Or let me play along and tell about the first time you heard that song and I just think you have, it's a slower pace. Maybe that would allow you to really get into, you know, just different types of types of conversations where I think you're really gonna where you can't speed up the physical part, you can really speed up the intimacy part,
Speaker 0 28:49 right? Yeah. Me and the guy that I'm talking to, we played the game and it was pick three of your favorite books and talk about why they changed your life. Okay. Yeah. Or like movies or music, anything, you know, but you can get into somebodies mind, you know, and like where they're at and their, yeah. Their values and yeah,
Speaker 2 29:13 I totally agree. I just think it's a great opportunity these days. So I encourage anybody who's like thinking, Ooh, should I do this? You know, this is uncomfortable. It's different. Don't let difference scare you. Right. That's not good than to say no. Especially when we're, what are the other options? Just being alone, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being alone people. I know a lot of people have a hard time with it. I'm totally, I'm an introvert, so I'm totally fine home alone. But I know there are others who are really struggling. Yeah, I know. You're not a huge extrovert. You're kind of a mix aren't you? Yeah. You're a mix. Yeah. But imagine people who are literally rejuvenated by, they get energy from being with other people. Where's their energy coming from during a shelter at home situation
Speaker 0 30:01 and if they don't live with anybody else and if they're just like, yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean I know. Yeah. One of my friends is he made his own show so now he's got this show on Facebook and all these people are, you know, he's interacting with them so, and he's married, he lives with his wife. But
Speaker 2 30:19 yeah. And it's, you know, and I just did, I'm going to have to edit an episode tonight that's going on my YouTube channel tomorrow and I was really careful cause it's all about like projects to take on while you're at home. Like there's like clean PR, you know, I've done a lot of spring cleaning type things and organizing and doing things like that. And I was very careful because I realized that there are people who don't have it in them to do anything like that right now emotionally. They're just not in a place where they want to be accomplishing much of anything. They're just, they're tied up taking care of themselves. Right. I know they're out there. So whatever it takes to take care of yourself, that's, you know, mental health, that's first and foremost. But for some people their mental health hinges on with other people.
Speaker 2 31:03 And I think that's a, that's why this is an option for sure. And what about friends? I mean, can't we, I mean we're talking about dating, right? But even just to take it another step further, why, you know, why can't you just, you know, where is the app for making new friends? I mean I met you recently and we connected. I know. Yeah. So I mean it's just like a cool situation. I think people can use this, this formula for other things as well. Like really the next time you have to run out for toilet paper, really be looking around if there's any friends you want to exchange. Like your zoom up meeting number with, well I know that Bumble actually has an option for, for like friends and businesses. Right. That's pretty cool. I mean great resource, right? Yeah. You can look for, women can look for other women, for friends. I don't know if men can do that. I don't think actually, I don't know. I had that impression that was women, but I could be wrong. I could be wrong. But yeah. And then don't, some of the apps also have, I know where you could just go into a bit virtual chat room to video.
Speaker 2 32:17 Huh? My son mentioned that to me the other day. So they're getting out of the bandwagon too. You don't even have to set up your own, your own Skype, zoom, FaceTime chats. You have an app doing it for you. Nice. Yeah. Right.
Speaker 0 32:30 Hey, yeah. So I'm, I mean, I'm sure like, so everybody's doing it. So many people are doing it. And I mean I just had a, a friend of mine, she went on Facebook and you know, Facebook dating app, which I've never tried, but haven't delved into that one yet. Do we trust that we trust Facebook enough to trust them with that loves life? That's at this point, I don't know. I don't, but she has had success actually. She met this guy and you know, like they've been doing the virtual stuff and like things have just been like going really smoothly and, and pretty fast. And that's great. And you know, I tell my clients too, like, you know,
Speaker 2 33:15 my matchmaking clients get like one day a month with me and I always say to them, but you know, if now is the time that you are investing in your romantic life and you're willing to outsource your dating life to me, then it must be like the right time for you. So if that's the case, one date a month is not enough. So I encourage them to continue dating on, you know, they think, Oh, I'm handing over everything to my matchmaker. And I'm like, no, I'm handing a part of it back to you because I think this is a numbers game to some degree. And dating is also an active skill. So if the more people you meet, the more opportunity to connect with somebody. So I think it's great if you haven't checked out dating apps in the past. You know, and it's interesting also that different dating apps in different areas, like we're in two different major cities and the one that works for me here in my age group may not work for me.
Speaker 2 34:06 And in my own age group or in yours, there's apps that if you're literally downtown and you're like 30 you have the, you know, that's where you're going to find a multitude of really fabulous connections there. But if you're 10 years older, different app altogether and play with them and line them all up and see who's out there. And if it looks like there's some people there, you might be able to get, like I said, it's kind of low stakes. All you gotta do is put on a shirt and some, you know, curl your eyelashes, right?
Speaker 0 34:39 A little. There we go. Is that better lighting? Nice. There's nice,
Speaker 2 34:44 there's no, there's no Uber fees, there's no parking, there's no tab that comes at the end of the date. So in that respect, it's not a lot to me know if you have an hour to just get to know somebody. I've had lovely conversations in airports with people for an hour that I had no common with. Sometimes not even our native language. Right. But our first language, and if I can walk away from those conversations feeling like I, that was a great connection, that was super enjoyable hour, then people who are meeting and dating and looking for the same things should be able to have a really nice conversation. Even if it's learning about somebody who's very different than you, that you're not going to choose. It still could be fun
Speaker 0 35:28 and you can learn something about them and about yourself. I mean, really, you know, ultimately that's kind of what we're all doing is learning about ourselves over and over again through these experiences. Meeting other people
Speaker 2 35:39 and like what we want, what we don't want, and yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it's learning what you don't want. Right. Some of our relationships have been to learn. It was an experience to teach us what we don't want. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but it should still, the enjoyment of engaging another person and sharing a part of yourself and hearing somebody else's different points of view should enlighten you, not burden you with an hour, you know? What are you missing another episode of, uh, what's the, what's the hot show on Netflix this week? I've, I don't know. I uh, I dunno, but yeah, the tiger show is over. So we're done with that one. You're watching my mind just called. She was watching, she'd watched 'em money heist. She started money heist. They do the show out of Spain. Actually, you should probably be watching that one to brush up on your Spanish.
Speaker 2 36:35 They'll be ready to stuff. The words you get to be speaking Spanish by the time you meet this fella in person. That's so funny. Um, can we talk a little bit about your, your a YouTube channel so we can tell people where to find you. And it's such a big part of my life. I just keep referencing it all, all the time. It's like, you know, it's like having a boyfriend where you every comes up and you talk to your family and he comes up in every conversation because that's who you talk to and spend your time with. Right. But yeah, I created this channel, it's called coffee with Carey. My name's Gary obviously. And here's my coffee right here. And um, we create a channel I created for women over 50 like me. But the interesting thing has been that I get to see my visitors, their ages and there is all these different parameters and I have a huge following of women between 25 and 35 and I think it's just super interesting because it just goes to show you, it's like this, we're all experiencing the same things in dating, advice, dating advice.
Speaker 2 37:36 And my channel isn't just dating advice. I, I think this week I gave a recipe for some fun. Like maybe I thought I was going to save it for father's day case. Somebody wanted to do a father's day barrage. But I thought what a great thing for people to play with. You know, it's like a, it's almost like an egg bar. You can just make a get out, you'll have to watch the video. Lots of things like how to cook eggs in a bag where everybody can customize their eggs and drop them in boiling water. Okay. It's just a super cool thing I've done for father's day brunch. I'm like, what a fun thing for people to do with kids. So there's that and I'll play with makeup and we'll talk about fashion and a lot of people are like, what do I wear now that I'm not 25 anymore?
Speaker 2 38:16 What can I still wear ripped jeans? Can I still wear, you know, if I'm showing this, can I show that? And so we just kind of talk about fashion and beauty and makeup and food. We still gotta eat no matter what age you are. And then because of the JV thing, I'm talking to my client about these things, clients every day about all these things. So if I'm sharing them in one off conversations about with, you know, now I find myself on client calls saying, let me just send you that. That video. I don't know how to talk about it. I said it so many times, I'll just send you the applicable episode from my YouTube channel. So it's just been super fun and I'm hoping to grow it to where it's a conversation more than just me talking all the time as you like to do.
Speaker 2 38:58 I don't mind talking, but I would really start enjoying that process a lot more when it can be a little bit more interactive. And I could hear, I get a couple of comments here and there are people with different points of view and I love that that is like, you know my, my, my journey of self improvement for me personally has been to try to become a better car and you could see why that would be necessary. And the other one was that sometimes it's not real. I had to realize that it's not important that I always share my opinion because I don't learn anything new by sharing my opinion again. But I learned by the other letting other people's opinions come through. So that's kind of one of the things we've been just kind of talking and talking about that. And I would love for people to communicate, you know, in the comments section of my generally eventually so I can learn something too.
Speaker 2 39:51 Yeah. Yeah. I mean that helps for sure. Yeah. So you have this and obviously it's just fun to share ideas and kick things around and hear other people's points of view. And that's kinda what I'm doing for my, my gals and guys make comments too, which really does shake it up, right? Cause they come from a whole different place. But sometimes it's great. I have to go to guys and get their opinions. Like what do men work men want when they're dating after divorce, what are they looking for? Man, I talk to people all the time. So I take that information and guys talk, you know, messages get a good, you know, cross cross reference study going of what people are looking for so we can understand each other better. Oh my God. Yeah, please. Yeah. That's why I, that's what I'm so passionate about doing this dating podcast because I really am fascinated about relationships and the psychology of relationships and like, you know, how are we all doing this?
Speaker 2 40:48 And absolutely I, you know, that is what I'm attracted to in people. My friends are all people like you and me who love delving into this and the whole interpersonal relationships. Before I was a matchmaker, before dating, coaching, any of that, we talked about all this stuff. You know, we talked about our dating lives, not just the surface level, but the psychology of it and why do we do this? I mean, you could, that's just so interesting. And I didn't, that wasn't my major in college. I was a, my major was vocal pedagogy. I'm a singer for most of my life. Oh wow. Then I'm qualified to be a voice teacher, but that's, that wasn't what I, that's not really where went to, for me, it was those conversations that really made me want to delve in deeper and talk about, I could talk about this stuff all day long.
Speaker 2 41:42 How long were you going to me too. We should probably wrap it up by the way soon. Um, but yeah, um, I mean it's fascinating. It is. It is. And like I said, that's why I could talk about it all day, which is why those are the people I'm drawn to who liked to talk about it. And that innate it's, they're enablers is what they are. My friends are all enablers, but that's another, it's like even what you're attracted to in friends. I asked that question of clients and people that I screened to match with my clients. What are your friends have in common with one another? I liked when you asked her that question cause I really thought about it. I was like, huh, okay. I mean there's, there's so much to it. I really like this. They're like, no, you know, people, that's a good question.
Speaker 2 42:31 I'm like, thank you. I made it up myself. But um, and I do think it's interesting and people have never, usually I said take your time cause most people haven't thought about it. But what I think it informs me of is what are you attracted to in people? That's the gist of it. It's like what you want in your friends, don't you want that in your partner? Plus some other stuff. So I thought it was, could be an insightful question if people take a moment to ponder their answer. Yeah, it's a really good question. Yeah. And that whole interpersonal thing would definitely be one of the things on my list. I mean, we all, everybody wants somebody with a sense of humor, but that even means different things to different people. Do you want somebody who makes you laugh every day? Do you want somebody who just appreciates your sense of humor?
Speaker 2 43:13 Do you want somebody who, you know, if it's the wrong sense of fear, that's often more annoying than if they had no sense of humor at all. So annoying. Oh my God. Yeah. No. Yeah. So I, that's, that's a little too broad, you know? But yeah, I'd say my friends are all pretty witty. Right? I love clever humor. Same, same that that's what I'm attracting. That's what my friends have in common. So of course, knowing that that's what I like in them. Should I really be dating somebody who's just, you know, into ponds and their jobs are all puns drag me, Abby, rolling my eyes incessantly for the next how many years, right? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Well, I think this is super cool that you're doing that. Sharing information with everybody else out there. I hope that we have been able to inspire people who are like on the fence.
Speaker 2 44:05 I hope so too, because it's actually really fun just to get to know other people and connect and you know, like, yeah, you risk a little bit, you know, whatever. But it's just like, it's just, you know, it's good. It's growth, it's growing risk, reward. It's like everything else. It's like reward could be so great for a small, a small, you know, feeling of being uncomfortable. And I think just getting straight to who really are, you know, not everybody's going to like us. I think maybe it took me a long time to realize that. I figure I'm so personable and I'm sweet. I hear a cat. A cat. Yeah. Um, I think that it's, I was just like, Oh, I'm so personable. And nice and I want good things for people. I'm kind of sure everybody likes me, but you know, romance not so much and probably not friend wise either.
Speaker 2 44:54 You know, we're not, we can't be it for everybody. And so, and after a first date, I always tell clients after a first date if somebody doesn't want to see you again, that really says so much more about them than it does about you. Cause how much could they have gathered up to like make that decision in an hour, hour and a half of conversation. It's filtered through everything they've experienced up to this point. That's a good point. So many people are making assumptions based on that's the color lipstick my sister wears. You must be have these qualities. My sister get that. My ex girlfriend did that and she was super annoying. So you're probably like, you know, it's subconsciously obviously, but you know, if they're just judging, Oh everybody with that job is very much like this. It's, it's often just their past experience holding them back from truly seeing you as a unique person with all your stuff.
Speaker 2 45:52 So I don't think, you know, getting all upset about rejection after a first date should be a deterrent to dating or being yourself on the first day. Right, right, right. Yeah. No, it's fun. Make it fun. Make it light. Have fun with it. Fuck it. Yeah. And don't be afraid about going deeper, you know, cause there's somebody all here he comes up, you know, um, I just, yeah, I just think it's a great opportunity to make it very different. Here we go. Here's Franklin Franklin, he's this other, and the dog comes to boy. Yeah, he's a handsome boy. I can't, I can't be holding him without her wanting to come up to, well thank you for coming for coming on the show. Oh my pleasure.
Speaker 2 46:53 I'm so glad that you took that. I mean, it's working out so great for you. I hope you are inspiration for other people that connect while we are stuck at home. Wink, you more and more human beings we can bring into our life and meet the better ads we're going to, like I said, connect with somebody. So you did it. If you could do it. Anybody can do it. Thank you. And thank you for doing what you do. Yeah, my pleasure. I hope that people stop by and say, hello, I'm coffee with Carrie on YouTube. It's C, a R E Y, and comes up and see if it's something that you might want to stop by on, you know, on occasion and see what we're up to. Usually some, some good dating, getting that inside scoop that I give clients who are paying for it, you know? But just slide in that to you on the side. I think some of it could be really helpful if you're out there and not knowing if you're doing it right. You know, if there is such a thing as doing it. Right. Right. Exactly. Well, thanks for having me. That was a lot of fun. We'll talk soon. I'm sure it was good seeing you. You too. You too.
