Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 <inaudible>
Speaker 1 00:00:13 Buddy, this is fair for the dutiful rentals.
Speaker 0 00:00:17 Wait a minute. I have been overwhelmed. I mean, as everybody else has,
Speaker 1 00:00:33 I, uh, I live in South Minneapolis and I had, um, this thing here. Um, so I took a while to heal from that. And then I got into a relationship and it was very, um, and so now, uh, I'm good. I'm feeling nuts. And, um, today we are going to talk about dating during a global pandemic slash uprising. Um, we're going to talk about the dating apps. We're gonna talk about, um, you know, how do people actually meet our people, even, um, having relationships these days? Are they, or are people just scared to be alone, which is totally understandable. This is a scary time right now. So, um, me talking to a woman named Shannon and, um, she is the cofounder of woke riot. She's a freelance copywriter that has mastered the art of disruption.
Speaker 1 00:02:01 When she's not writing copy for clients, you can find her blogging about addiction, recovery, and you can find her on IgG. She has been single for two years. She does not like the apps. I fucking hate them too. We're going to do here's my cat here's Africa. Deborah's judge. He goes, Oh yeah. Um, and then the other mother guests on here will be Jeff and he lives in Los Angeles. Um, he's a Los Angeles based product designer, uh, relocated from Minneapolis in 2009. He was with this ex-girlfriend for years and we split about a year and a half ago.
Speaker 1 00:03:05 He stated a few women's mats on the apps in the past eight months. Um, as well as several female friends. Um, yeah, so we're just going to get into it. And I don't know, I'll play can relate to people because like I said, it's really, it's a, it's a hurt. It's a hard time. My hair. Um, uh, sorry, I'm just paying for these two to jump on the call. I just wanted to do a quick intro. So everybody was on the way. Um, so I, um, what else? Yeah, I was getting it. I was really excited to record. I had all these ideas and we just did that was very motivating. So I'm glad able to do this and, and have a place where, um, people can relate and connect and feel understood or heard, or like they're not alone because like right now, obviously a lot of us, and it has been hard for especially single people to, well, I guess I can only speak for myself, but yeah, you're not having sex on a regular basis and potentially you're getting these like endorphins and hormones for good. And it kind of helps you not feel so helpless.
Speaker 1 00:05:43 Um, so I don't know. And I don't know, obviously what it's like to be a single mother that would suck as well to a parent. Um, all I can speak. Um, I am back on the apps. It's just nice to talk to people just like have a conversation, but it's hugely disappointing. Um, Alaska, I did a 20 year marriage. Um, yeah, it's hard when people say things believe them, but it sounds nice. Um, I think the answer needs to be for instance first, um, seems like these guys are having trouble. Hi. Okay, good. Hi. How are you? What's that? That was having a problem getting on. Yeah. So was, I, I don't know what happened, but it's fixed now for first tried. So it's that, that I had to download soon, which I already have on my phone. So it told me to tap the link and copy it and paste it into Safari. And then I did that and then it didn't, it wouldn't, it didn't do anything. So yeah. I'm glad you're here. Hello. Nice to meet you. So I just did an intro. I talked about my bullshit ass last, whatever it was, thing, shit relationship. And then I, I, yeah, I just, uh, maybe I should ask the question. Sure. Think about dating at this time. Like the, the pandemic and the uprising and everything. Like, do you think it's a good idea and why,
Speaker 2 00:08:57 And why not? Would it be a good idea or not a good idea on it? This is literally the worst time to be dating. There's no coherent way to date right now. And it's, it's like, you know, people relax in lockdown so long that it's like, they came out and everybody's like, everybody's just trying to get laid, you know, they're, they're busy doing the swiping. Right. And it's just, it's girls, you know, it's just girls, there's no actual, like there's no actual interest, you know, it's like a wide net game. There's no interest in pursuing one person anymore. You know, people just want to fuck. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I get it. I mean, but yeah, really lonely. I totally agree. I think it probably is the worst time, you know, cause like everybody's standards are probably just out the window and also like, I don't know. I feel like people's shit is just like really coming up big time. Fear your thoughts about like, what if you die and you know, what if I'm yeah. What if I die?
Speaker 2 00:10:33 Probably a lot of people don't want to be alone. So then I had COVID and I was in bed for three weeks by myself. My kids had to go to my ex husband's house for three weeks. And I literally like the only people that checked on you to see if I was alive or dead were my best friends. And like, and I had a lot of time to sit there and think about, wow, this sucks. It just sucks because you know, you don't have anybody that's really, that really gives a shit. You know? I mean obviously besides kids and friends and stuff like that, which is enough, like, you know, you don't need a man for that, but it would just, it would have been so nice to have somebody there to like make me food when I couldn't do it myself. You know? Like, but at the same time it's like, is it worth putting up with somebody else's shit. Yeah. Yeah. And for some people it is. But I think when you're already have like so much going on and then have somebody else's shit and I don't, yeah. I don't know. I go back and forth. Like sometimes I think it's a good idea to do it this time because everybody's like, they have so much time. Yeah. You know, that's
Speaker 3 00:11:54 The hard part, you know, with all the time that everyone has on their hands. Yeah. It'd be a great time to start a new relationship. But even with all like the mental bullshit, like everybody's like psychological stuff bubbling up and stuff, dude.
Speaker 2 00:12:09 Yeah. Handle it. They can't handle being with their own thoughts. This is probably the best part. Like people are losing their fucking shit because they literally cannot be with their own thoughts. They don't, they can't handle it. And so everybody's losing their shit. Yeah. No, I totally agree. I totally agreed.
Speaker 3 00:12:30 I'm drinking a beer at three 30, so yeah.
Speaker 2 00:12:34 Nobody cares anymore. It's a free for all. Yeah. Yeah. I got a taste of like getting attention and sex and you know, like all the good and then all of a sudden it was gone. I'm like, Oh yeah, there's a pandemic uprising going on shit. Yeah. It was a courageous, easy time to be alive. And I would just like to add that my 4th of July hookup, which is exactly what it was, it was just a 4th of July hookup. And it was the worst 4th of July hookup ever. It's like that. What happened? No, like I got COVID from that person. Like we had a lot of fun. We were on Lake Minnetonka and you know, we, it was a lot of fun. Um, my, one of my friends from Arizona all team was up and like, so we were all partying on this boat and like, it was a great time. I mean, except for that part,
Speaker 3 00:13:46 I think I may have given someone COVID like back someone I dated back in, um, on and off from like last fall through, uh, at the beginning of April. And like, it was back in like February when you couldn't get a test. And like, we were both so sick, so sick. I cough so hard. Like I thought I cracked ribs and I lost my voice and I was, I was like waking up in a puddle of sweat, but I went through it with this, with this girl I was dating and she got sick too. And I, I think I'm, I might've been, you know, that guy that gave her colon, but back then, you know, and they didn't know that it was, it had reached California already. Like they were saying it was only in Washington. And we only found out later that it was like actually on the whole West coast. So
Speaker 2 00:14:32 Okay then, because you didn't know, so you're a good guy for not knowing and passing it off if I had known. Yeah. Right, right, right. Just do it straight out. Knew he was sick and he thought that he could have had it, but he wanted to in this baseball tournament. So he came anyways and that's probably why I ended up getting it straight up douchebag. Yup. Nope. Oh my God.
Speaker 3 00:15:03 If you don't mind, like, so a little off topic, but do you have any like lasting effects from it?
Speaker 2 00:15:08 Um, so it's been, let's say I got diagnosed on what July 8th or ninth or something like that. And I'm still, um, using an inhaler and stuff like that. And my, and I still have like brain fog and stuff like that. And the exhaustion is still, it's just something I got it. And it was, it was a level that I've never experienced before. So I'm a light sleeper. I get six hours of sleep a night. I'm still sleeping like 12 hours a night. That's crazy. Wow. Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:15:42 I have hypertension now. I never had high blood pressure before and now it's just off the charts. I have like heart palpitations and stuff. And just curious yet. Anyway,
Speaker 2 00:15:53 It's crazy too. You don't know how it's going to affect you until you get it. And once you get it, it's too late, you know, you have no clue if you're going to be one of the 80% that gets mild symptoms or one of the 20 that has lasting effects or is on a respirator or whatever. It's crazy. That's so scary. Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:16:14 Cause that's why you can't risk. Like giving it to someone else, you know?
Speaker 2 00:16:17 Exactly. Well, especially that, especially if you think you have it, like, Oh my God, like, why would you go on a fucking date if you thought like I might have COVID I should probably cause you just don't give a fuck. Well, yeah.
Speaker 3 00:16:37 Back to the loneliness part. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:16:42 Sorry. I just got back on Bumble. I was like, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. And I did it. Okay. So tell me about that. How do you like it? I hate it. I hate all of them. Like I I'm talking to some people, but I don't like Bumble. Okay. Here's the thing. I don't like Bumble because the woman has to start the conversation. I am old fashioned or what I'm going to call it. I want to be pursued. Why in the fuck? Is there not an app for men? Just men who are pursuing women. Oh my God. It's called Facebook. Don't you get on the daily period, right? That's a time period, like 24 hours or something and they have to reply. If they don't reply, then they're not a match. They don't have any apps like that for men. But I know of really. Yeah, no, it's just for women. I mean, I suppose so I suppose it's because women are sick of getting a costed by men and they're, you know, messenger inboxes and in their Instagram and stuff like that. So I'm sure whoever developed it was considering that, you know, but no, I get what you're saying.
Speaker 4 00:17:57 Yeah. I think it was a woman who I think it was,
Speaker 2 00:18:05 But I understand what you're saying too, because like, yeah, like I get me to like, I want to be pursued. I'm not doing any T thing. Like I don't want to do stuff like that. You know? Um, it's traditionally men are the ones that pursue the women and you know, it happens on Facebook every single day with those ASAM, unsolicited, Dick pics, you know, but that's not, it's constantly, I get them all the fucking time. I'm constantly deleting and blocking people. It is unreal. It's unreal. And then it's like, and then I posted on my Facebook page the other day, you know, fluke flirt like a dude, a messenger. And you know, it starts out with, Hey, beautiful. And then it's like, you know, Hey, you know, and then you don't respond and all of a sudden it's fucking bitch. Like
Speaker 4 00:18:59 These horror stories, a million.
Speaker 2 00:19:02 Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy. And these are the men that are out there. These are the men that are doing the pursuing there they're there. It's disgusting. Like it's, it's just disgusting. And that's like the biggest idiot I have the most confidence, you know, I know what is that. They should fucking know why you not replying to them that you're not interest like clearly, but maybe I should like send her 10 more messages. Cause you know, yeah. Right. And then, and then, then I'll, then I'll include a shirtless picture of myself too, because she's not responding. Like those are usually first bullying. What hell I started, I started threatening to make people famous. Like I started threatening to suppose their Dick pics along with a profile picture of them. And I did, I don't think I could, but it would be funny. It would be fucking really funny, but you know, and okay.
Speaker 4 00:20:06 Oh yeah. You can do like a topic and then put their pictures. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:20:19 Don't pay these guys. Yeah. But my question to these guys is like, who is that working for you? It's like, is that w is that really working for you? And if that does work for you, how, what kind of person do you think you're getting out of that? You know, like if you send me, like, I don't know, you, you're some random person, if you send me a deck pack and I'm like, Oh my God, I love what kind
Speaker 4 00:20:48 Of person am I? There's no discretion there whatsoever. You guys are fucking crazy. Like the guys that do that,
Speaker 3 00:20:59 It must've worked like once or twice. Like why did they keep doing it?
Speaker 4 00:21:04 Yeah. That's exactly it, it had to work for them because they wouldn't continue doing it a theme. Did you know if it didn't work for them as crazy, there are some women out there that it's like, Oh yeah, I like that Dick. I really want to meet those women. Cause I have so many questions. Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:21:32 Anyone worth dating was probably much more interested in the person attached to, you know, set appendage. So yeah.
Speaker 4 00:21:44 I've actually never used that one about women pursuing like men firms.
Speaker 3 00:21:53 Okay. Yeah. I guess I know what it's about and I know how that works and stuff. And then I think it's kind of a cool concept, you know? I mean like, um, you know, I've got, I'm a feminist, I think, you know, like, um, for any kind of like gender equality, but like, um, it's kind of weird that only, I don't know, man being like, you know, sometimes I've wondered like, ah, man, I'm trying to figure out how to explain this. I feel like, like the one thing, the one thing that like some of the women I dated online, like told me it was that like what I like came to the, like the conversation I started with them was actually more interesting than the guys did that. Just say so. So it's like, I think I probably wouldn't be very, like, I wouldn't have much luck a thing like that meeting anybody because I'm usually the one thing I have going for me is just like conversation. That's probably not,
Speaker 4 00:22:52 Don't go straight in for the kill event. Dick Pat cost.
Speaker 3 00:22:57 No, never have done that. But Yeah. And I think, uh, I don't know, like maybe just saying something interesting as a much, much better way to like grab somebody's attention, you know? Yeah. To say the least
Speaker 4 00:23:15 People do appreciate that. You know, like, cause there's a lot of stupid like, or just like surface conversations and replies and I can't myself. I can't, I can't function that way. So yeah,
Speaker 3 00:23:31 There was a girl I dated and I met her on, um, I met her on Facebook dating and she told me that there was this other guy she was talking to too. But only because it was just so hilarious, like he would only like write like one word, one word sentences, suck,
Speaker 5 00:23:46 You know? And like things like that, you know? And she would just start talking the same way that he was talking to her. She was like, I just did it. Cause it was so hilarious. And then he started speaking in full sentences and stuff
Speaker 4 00:23:58 Because she didn't get on much. And he was like, Oh shit, maybe I should
Speaker 5 00:24:03 Stupid.
Speaker 4 00:24:07 I find that so annoying when people do that, like I'm a, I'm a conversationalist. I like to talk. I like to go back and forth. I like intelligence. If you're stupid, there's no way, like there's no way, like I can't talk to you. So, and, and, and I get so annoyed when people come back with like one word or two word responses and just annoys the fuck out of me. I'm also a picky bitch. So like, it's good to be picky. I was watching this show because I watched a lot of shows lately. The show is called, like, I don't remember, but it's about these guys that, um, are on dating apps and they are like serial killers. Oh, awesome. Murder on the internet.
Speaker 5 00:25:10 Yeah. But I think good conversationalists.
Speaker 4 00:25:14 Well, this one woman, she liked talked to this guy for two weeks. You know what I'm imagining they didn't live close to each other and they finally met and he was staying in a hotel and like he got really drunk and he convinced her to go back to the hotel with him and he fucking killed her. Um, so like, yeah, that well, and I'm sure like, look at like, there's a reason investigation, discovery exists. There's an entire network like dedicated to killers it's because people do that. And that it's always there that, you know, obviously there's a risk and then like, and then doing the internet, the internet thing it's it's you never know. Never know. And it's creepy. How do we like, so here's what my fear is. Like, we've gotten so far into like technology and swiping and you know, it's like super disposable and you can't really get a vibe for the most part about somebody via dating app, you know? But I feel like we've gone so far that people don't really know how to go about meeting people like in a normal way. You know what I mean? So that do, um,
Speaker 2 00:26:44 Because the whole internet thing is so crazy at one thing that I do a lot is video calls, because then you can actually see the person, you can have engage in an actual conversation, but like, even then you still don't know, you know, really know somebody that way, but at least you can get a sense of who they are and their character and stuff.
Speaker 5 00:27:07 Totally. I hear you on that. That's been a requirement of mine since this was my introduction to like internet dating and it's only been eight months, you know? So like before I went out with anybody, I would, I would kind of like require that, you know, like, I mean also for her safety and like age of me too and stuff like, I just kinda it's, I don't know. It's really weird, man. Like the very first date I had, like this girl like drove to my house, you know, and that's kind of a risky thing. So I've thought about it from like a woman's perspective, like a female perspective. Like how do you just go up? And I'm like, no, be like murdered.
Speaker 2 00:27:52 Yeah. I wouldn't be able to do that. There's no way I wouldn't be able to do that. It would have to be in a very public place. I couldn't, I couldn't do it. Yeah. I only made it. And um, I was gonna say people's houses. No, I only made it like public places. Yeah.
Speaker 6 00:28:09 <inaudible>
Speaker 2 00:28:13 So like coffee, half dates in the daytime.
Speaker 5 00:28:19 That's a good policy. I think it was like her first time too. And she was like, Oh, I'll just meet your house and we'll go to dinner. And it was fine. It was cool. But what if it wasn't exactly man.
Speaker 2 00:28:35 Yeah. And that's the thing I think probably like 99 point, whatever percent of the time it is fine. But then when it's not, you're fucking dead, then it's too late. Yeah. No, no. Yeah. So the last guy you dated, you find out he was racist. Oh yeah. So this, so I dated him through, throughout the pandemic and listen, I see like I'm a total gen X, he's a millennial. He was five years younger than me. And so we didn't have a whole lot in common. Um, besides the fact he was super nice and we got along, we never fought about anything. And probably because I don't know why, but we never, we never argued nothing in it. And we hung out every single day. And um, after all this George Floyd shit went down, like I started paying more attention to us post on Facebook and it was just straight up racist shit.
Speaker 2 00:29:40 And I live, I live in a tiny little rural Minnesota town, you know? And there are Trump supporters and everywhere, and this is how they are, you know? And like, so I was trying to like talk to him and say, listen, you know, like, okay, so maybe you're not as straight up racist and just trying to be like craft about it, you know, which never works for me anyways. But I was trying to be nice. Okay. I was trying to, and I was like, so you're sitting here telling me that you will entertain all these conspiracy theories, but you won't entertain the fact that you might be slightly racist just a little bit. He's like, wait, we thought about this for two hours. And then he comes back in a taxi. He's like, I already talked to my people and I'm not going to let somebody that's known me for five months.
Speaker 2 00:30:30 Tell me who and what I am. And I was like, Oh, so you talked to your white family and maybe your one black friend, and now you're not a racist, but let me tell you, like, it was straight up racist, bullshit. And like right now he's defending the 17 year old kid that shot these two or three men. So I was like, okay. Yeah, bye. I saw I actually unfriended him because I can't tolerate that shit. That's one thing like if your morals differ from mine and in that kind of way, like I'm done, like, I don't want to have anything to do with you. And that is like, I don't care how much time I invested. Like Nope.
Speaker 5 00:31:09 One thing. But like morality is like completely different. Yeah. There's no interpretation on like when people are being murdered in the street by police now, like now man, that's the most dangerous kind of racist man. Like that person that just doesn't understand how privileged privileged they are, you know?
Speaker 2 00:31:33 Yeah. It's the Wilford, it's the willful ignorance and not, and zero willingness to examine their own thought process. And that is like, you know, I don't know. A lot of people think that, you know, people that think that way are snowflake, liberals, whatever. But it's just like, I think that's just a part of personal girls. Like you reach a point where you, like, you start to question all these things and you know, like, and these people are not examining anything. Like they are just hanging on steadfast to these old, old worn out reviews and it's gross. Like it's curls, it's ruining our country. Totally gross. Yeah. You, you, he couldn't handle it because you came in and you didn't know him. So you could, you were able to see some shit and call them out on it. And you know, friends from however, her family, whatever.
Speaker 2 00:32:26 I mean, obviously they're probably very similar. And so of course he's going to be like, whatever, I'm not, that's too bad that he can't, you know, at least like listen to it or think about it and maybe grow, Hey man, that's on him. You know what? He's going to be on the wrong side of history. This is all there's going to come a day where this is all done. Like we're not going to do this anymore because people aren't going to allow it to happen. Like you won't allow it. I won't allow it Zac won't allow it. Like we're not going to allow this kind of behavior to continue on. So like the people that choose to be, um, or to think that way, like they're going to lose, they're gonna lose their friends. They're going to lose their family. They're gonna lose their businesses because I'm not doing business with people like that.
Speaker 2 00:33:12 Like, and I will research the fuck out of a business before I do anything with them. Like, I will vote with my dollars. I'm one of those people and maybe one sale, isn't going to make a big difference, but listen, like 50 a hundred, like it'll start to make a difference. And they're going to get, you know, their, their businesses they'll get slapped by the invisible hand because nobody's going to want to do cool shit with them. You know, it's happening and it's happening slow, but it is happening. It really eventually. Yeah. Yeah. This shit is coming out. I could never date somebody who like didn't believe in black lives matter or who was voting for Trump or, Oh my God, no girls. No, I didn't. I didn't really realize it until later.
Speaker 2 00:34:11 Yeah, for sure. Well, full disclosure, I was, I was a hardcore conservative up until like 2015 and like, and I was anticipating, but I grew up in a very white family. So I didn't, I didn't like when I heard racial slurs, it never felt like it was about me unless I did have a mom. My mom didn't say some shit that was kind of irritating, but, um, I never really forgot. Oh yeah. So and so I grew up, you know, not having to worry about that, but then, um, like I married, I married my ex husband and he was total small town, hardcore Republican, like all the girls views that you would expect. And I just kind of like took that on and I think it was because I was so young. I didn't really wasn't really thinking for myself. Um, but anyways, so like I was very, um, I had a hard line.
Speaker 2 00:35:16 I was like, listen, if I can do it, you can do it. And like, and I took, there was, I didn't care about somebody's circumstances. I didn't care. Like I didn't care about their mindset. I didn't care what anything, like if I can do it, you can do it. And in 2015, one of my really good friends was like, listen, Shannon, like this is fucking bullshit. And you need to think that she planted the seed. And I did, I started changing my views on everything. And I was like, wow, I'm a fucking asshole. Like I'm a straight up asshole. And like, had she not done that? And had I not gone through that process, listen. And it took a while, but like, Oh my God, 2015, Shannon and 2020 Shannon are two completely different people and I've fucking bitch SOPs.
Speaker 5 00:36:08 Oh man. I was reading about this thing called cognitive bias. The other day I was reading about why, why like some of these, like Trump supporters think they're right now the way forward for this country. And that, that like gives me a lot of votes. Just your story. Because a lot of people like just are not flexible in their thinking. You know, people can be so rigid. Like they can't see it any other way, you know?
Speaker 2 00:36:35 And I think a lot of it has to do with, they just don't want to be wrong. They just don't want to be wrong and they don't want to inconvenience themselves and actually look at their thinking. But I'm telling you right now, like if we could go plant seeds to people, like some of them will grow. There's a lot of people that that'll be like, no fuck you bitch. But a lot of people like there's hope. Definitely. Yeah. I think there's a lot of fear, you know? Like people are scared because they've been, they've been brainwashed for so many years from their parents and their grandparents. And you know, like these beliefs are just like so embedded in their fucking brains.
Speaker 5 00:37:10 Yeah. Possibly think of anything,
Speaker 2 00:37:16 But these are so outdated. Did you guys watch the Republican national convention? I watched a couple of minutes of it and I was like,
Speaker 5 00:37:28 I made it about five minutes.
Speaker 2 00:37:32 Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. I ran. I ran, I cannot watch that shit. No, I couldn't watch it. But I read every article there is to read after. And um, Gilfoyle like, I think my favorite meme was when she was holding her arms out, you know, when she was making that ridiculous fucking speech. And then on the meme, it says something about how much coal, current dimes when you're dead, before the convention.
Speaker 5 00:38:03 All kinds of like amphetamines or cocaine. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:38:12 Nope. Yeah. It's all coming out. It's all coming out. So, so you've been single for two years. Me. Yeah. Well, I mean, I've dated a couple of times in that time, but, but yeah, like nothing significant that's worth even talking about, do the Facebook dating app or just Facebook, Facebook back. No, no, no. So though I dated this guy for a little bit. I'm from the cities, he's from Apple Valley. Um, and like, I'm not the kind of person that just doesn't like, like I'll find whatever I can wrong. So I don't actually have to get invested because it's like, I want it, but I don't, you know, so like I'll look for things right away that, that I know it's crazy, but it's, it's just, it's what I do. Um, mr. Noah what's up, but he was nice, but it was like, he was another one of those serial online Dieter is.
Speaker 2 00:39:17 And so it was like he would, he, he passing in a wide net and just, just trying to see what would stick. And I just think that's the whole fucking girls, like, I'm not interested in a guy that's pursuing like a 500 other women. Like I like my men without fucking Sinose, you know, like, it's just, it's just the way I like to do things. And I just, I don't know. There's just nothing special about a guy that is reaching out to every woman he finds attractive and like trying to talk to every single one of them at the same time. It's just, it's just girls like them, not my thing, but we paid a briefly three months and then we were just done. It was just it wasn't alcohol. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I think, have you been dating
Speaker 4 00:40:08 Me or Farrah?
Speaker 2 00:40:11 Farrah? I have this like, whatever thing A month and whatever ago. And um, We like met on Tinder and we got along great. But he just got out of, well, he was separated for a year and then he just got like legally divorced 20 year marriage. Ooh. And he was like a couple of weeks in. He was like, I want to be with you. I want to be your boyfriend. I want to wake up next to you every morning. And I'm like, dude, You don't even know me. Like, I think that you can't be alone. Like, I think that's what it is.
Speaker 4 00:40:57 I can relate to that.
Speaker 2 00:41:01 Yeah. That was that. That has to be what it is. Like, especially right now in these times, like he was probably like, shit, I don't want to be alone. And I'm used to being with somebody, you know,
Speaker 4 00:41:11 I don't know. But
Speaker 2 00:41:14 Yeah, some, some things happened and I, he disappeared like what overnight one time and I couldn't get ahold of them. And that was weird. So eventually, you know,
Speaker 4 00:41:27 It just didn't work out, but
Speaker 2 00:41:30 It was fun. It's really just a pointing to like, it's been years and years of this shit I'm doing. I feel like I, you know, I'm doing my work, my therapy and my EMDR and
Speaker 5 00:41:46 Mmm.
Speaker 2 00:41:48 You know, reflecting on how I could have done things better and talking to friends and blah, blah, blah. But I don't know. I just think I'm definitely not cut out for, for the dating apps and this kind of like, um, disposable dating world. I'm, I'm fucking true. Like when I, when I let somebody, I like them and I want them to like me and we're together and we're not fucking around, you know? And we're not either, you know? And so like, I just don't know. There are many people like that around anymore. I hear you.
Speaker 5 00:42:26 Yeah, totally. I was talking about this with my friend earlier, like right before, right before we got on this call, you know, when she was saying, we're like the last, you know, we're like the last generation that grew up without like knowledge and stuff, but then people become like commodities and stuff. Like everyone's disposable. And I think I don't, I, I can't, I'm going to generalize a bit and say that, like, I think like we grew up like valuing like real personal connections a little bit more.
Speaker 2 00:42:55 Yeah. Because we had to, because we didn't have this like phone in front of us and you know what I mean? Like constantly, you know, like, I mean, now I will be on the computer, on my phone, like looking, reading something else over here or whatever, doing like five things at the time. Yeah. You know, just because that's how it, things are now that way. Yup. Yup. So I fear that. I mean, it is, it has changed. It has changed. How do we adapt to it? We don't, I don't think we have to adapt to it. I think that we can still have standards. Like, like I'm going to, like whoever I decide to date, I'm going to hold to that standard because I am not going to be one of many, like you can choose or like, like we're just going to do all that because I don't want to, I don't want to deal with it.
Speaker 2 00:43:55 And you know, I think a lot of men today too, and not listen, like I don't want to generalize all Madden, but there's a lot of fucking juice bags out there. But I think that a lot of men, um, kind of assume that women just have low self esteem and they'll just put up with their shit and put up with the kind of treatment and like, and then they get really, really mad at you when you're like, Oh fuck you. And then you're crazy. And you're a bitch. That's what happened with Colby due to like,
Speaker 5 00:44:26 But going back to what you said earlier is that the kind of woman you really want, I mean, that just proves your theory right there. I don't know. I wouldn't want to like someone that hasn't done, the work can't be alone or whatever, like
Speaker 2 00:44:49 Right. I've heard. Cause you know, like, there's these fucking, this is another thing that pisses me off still, but they're still doing this. Like there's all these books and these audio, you know, tapes or whatever about like how women need to understand men. Oh, and this is why he does what he does. But like there's none teaching men. Like this is how you fucking like treat a woman. This is how you deal with a woman. So I've heard, so some of the stuff I have a friend who's like religiously listens to the shit and she's like, Farrah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, how that, I'm just like,
Speaker 5 00:45:32 I can sum that up in like one jester, are you serious?
Speaker 2 00:45:40 You're ridiculous. But like I've heard. And I think this is probably true of everybody. Like men will fucking test you. They will test you to see what they can get away with. Right? Yeah. I think some of them, well, what's that? I think some of them, well, I think some of them are like that. Yeah. I think that if you, that, if you have two people that are like that respect each other, I think that like, it's a workable situation, you know, like if you're having a bad day and you're a guy of like, I don't have time for your shit, you know, you don't want to be with a guy like that because you know, like you want somebody that can, I dunno, make you laugh when times are hard because it's how you get through life. Um, but, but there's no, but you're right. There's a lot of, a lot of literature for, um, women to like, yup. But there's really none. Um, there's really not, uh, for men, but I don't think they is there a market for it because demand really give a shit.
Speaker 5 00:46:50 It's a one sided, man. It doesn't make any sense. So you have to accept this. But,
Speaker 2 00:46:58 But then I think there are men that are interested. Right.
Speaker 5 00:47:01 And like knowing what, how women work and everything.
Speaker 2 00:47:04 I, but there isn't,
Speaker 5 00:47:08 Or it's not out there.
Speaker 2 00:47:09 Well maybe we should write one because yeah. We should add some stuff. I've had some ideas. I don't, I just, I just like, there's so many, like there's a lot of good men out there. I don't know where the fuck they're at, but I know there's a lot of good men out there, but the, that like against that, the ones that like just show their face or that they're like the worst of the worst, like the boldest ones are the worst. Um, Oh my God. I don't remember what I was saying. I had like, I had a fat that I was following here. I laughed.
Speaker 5 00:47:49 Yeah, dude. Yeah. I'm really not sure. I don't know. I feel like it's a rarity to find somebody really, really cool. Okay.
Speaker 2 00:47:58 It's rare to find somebody really cool in person.
Speaker 5 00:48:02 Yeah. Yes.
Speaker 2 00:48:06 It's like, our culture has changed. Like it's just changed. The dating culture has changed, you know? And it's like, like my kids, you know, their idea of hanging out is them sitting and like their friends come over and they'll sit in their beds and like do this on their phones right now. Like they don't want none at all. They're just sitting here one here, one here, looking at their phones and that's how they hang out. Like, it's so weird.
Speaker 5 00:48:36 I don't know.
Speaker 2 00:48:37 How do we change that? Can we change that? Or do we have to just like adapt? I mean, if we just like all go to like a little small buy some land, go live in it and just, you know, stay old school. I don't know. I just, I mean, and like, I imagine what things are going to be like in 10 years, I'm scared. I'm totally terrified.
Speaker 5 00:49:04 Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:49:05 I, myself want to life partner, like I am ready. I am, I am I'm there, you know? But um, unfortunately it just, just happened like that. Like it's not like, okay, you're ready to hear it.
Speaker 5 00:49:18 So, um,
Speaker 2 00:49:21 But yeah, I fear that the way that things are
Speaker 5 00:49:25 Going or that, you know, that the way things are set up, it's just that
Speaker 2 00:49:30 It's just going to be more challenging. You know? Like it's not, it's, it's not like you're going to bat zero. It's just going to be more challenging because of the way things are now, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it sucks. Yeah. Then we got Jeff who state all the time.
Speaker 5 00:49:53 No.
Speaker 2 00:49:55 Yeah. Yeah. Tell us how you get so many dates. Like what are you doing? What's up bro?
Speaker 5 00:50:02 It's not like that at all. I think it was okay. So yeah, when I was on these dating apps, I am not anymore. I've been off a shit man since February, but, um, I guess, I don't know. I don't know how, like, I mean, I'm, I've been told, like, I think it's conversational, you know, like I've never, ever like, um, approached a woman like on a dating app and just said hi or stuff or like a one word thing. Like, usually I was like in her bio and it seemed like if she seemed interesting to me, like I would like ask her like a question and be like, Oh, I'm into that too. If I know if I really was or whatever, like, I guess like growing up, like in like, you know, in like a kind of a counterculture, you know, like punk rock and stuff and like playing in dance and shit. Like I know like what kind of people I like to hang out with. I don't really, I've never really been a big, I've never really hung out with like, you know, normies. So if someone like seems like they're into something cool, like I'll just talk to them about it. I've tried to explain this to friends, like male friends and stuff and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, just talk to her, like a person. That's all you gotta do. Like she's a regular person just like you. So, um, I mean, that's a start for sure.
Speaker 2 00:51:37 And that's funny that you say that though, because that that's like, that's what we want and that's literally not what happens anymore. You know, we want somebody to talk to us like a person and be interested in us other than, you know, like our faces and our vaginas. Like we want somebody to be genuinely interested and you know, the first thing we get is beautiful and it just fucking like, and I don't want to say, you know, like, Oh, that's not nice because sure. I'm sure people don't mean anything by it, but like we're accosted all day every day by this bullshit. And it's just like, it goes from what used to be nice and flattering to just straight up fucking girls, you know, annoying. It just gets annoying. So you're doing it right, Jeff, for sure.
Speaker 5 00:52:22 Well, thank you. But I think, um, to build on what you just said, like, I think like you also have to be sensitive to what women do put up with on like the daily. You don't have Facebook and these dating apps and stuff and addictive culture and all this, like just gross shit. Like I'm sorry. No one wants to see that you have to sympathize. You have to understand like, I mean, just, I hate to say it, but almost treat her like a buddy. Cause in the beginning, if you're not, if you're not friends, you're not going, nothing's going to happen, man. Nothing's have a connection, but I think there's any kind of takeaway for any dudes out there. It's like, fuck, just be cool, dude.
Speaker 2 00:53:08 Yeah. A friend. I think, I think that's how my next relationship is going to be like friends first. It has to, for sure. There's no other way
Speaker 5 00:53:20 I've had, yeah. I've had some experience with that. Um, since the warranty stuff like fair, I've talked to you about some of this, but yeah. Like now that like, you know, we're not leaving our house and stuff. It's like, I guess there's, you know, friends that are like distanced, like, you know, friends that live in other cities and stuff like that, you know? Oh man, I don't know how to phrase this. It's easier to like, you know, talk to female friends and stuff and like kind of like reconnect with people from the past. I mean, we have like, we're buddies now. Like we hadn't talked in awhile, but since we've been quarantined. Yeah. We like, I don't know, man. I guess now we're all stuck at home. So it's like, I don't know. It's like, it's a good time, but you know
Speaker 2 00:54:12 Yeah. I have a question about that. I'm sorry. Go ahead. I didn't mean to interrupt. Go ahead. Oh no. I'm just saying it's a good, it's a, it's a good time to get to know people. I have this guy who I've been talking to. We keep, we keep in contact. It's been like three, four months now and he listens to me, but we still, we still
Speaker 5 00:54:34 No talk to each other so, sorry.
Speaker 2 00:54:38 Well, I was just going to ask, so, so when you're re so is this a pandemic thing? Like people reconnecting with old friends, is it like a, is it a pandemic thing? And then what happens after it's over? Like, are you, are you going to go hog wild and like go like, what happens then? What happens now? Right. Curious. I'm curious.
Speaker 4 00:55:05 I thought that I saw it.
Speaker 2 00:55:07 Yeah. What do you think?
Speaker 5 00:55:12 I think that'd be really shitty, man. Cause it's like we were talking about earlier. Once you have that personal connection with somebody, you know, like you want them in your life, you know? So yeah.
Speaker 2 00:55:24 Yeah. I, yeah. I just, yeah. I don't know. Yeah. This whole disbelief
Speaker 5 00:55:30 Disposable.
Speaker 2 00:55:33 It sucks. Yeah. I'm not good with goodbyes. I'm not good with like, yeah. We just hung up even if it was a month or just whatever, like okay, never see you again. Right. I know. I know. It's crazy.
Speaker 5 00:55:47 The town was summer man. Like I spent seven weeks in Minneapolis and I was reacquainted with the Minnesota goodbye.
Speaker 2 00:55:58 Oh, it's the worst.
Speaker 5 00:56:03 Yeah. I can't deal with that.
Speaker 2 00:56:07 The last forever. If you let a, you just gotta go. You just gotta learn how to write, but you seem to like the ladies from Minneapolis and not from LA. Uh,
Speaker 5 00:56:24 I think it's more like the girls from orange County. Like I dated a couple of girls from orange County and they were like toddlers, you know? I think I just
Speaker 4 00:56:34 Like how, how the words
Speaker 5 00:56:40 I think I just didn't choose very well. They all like, um, this was, this was my okay. Bear in mind. That was in a relationship for 17 years. And um, when I started dating and stuff, I think I, I think my bullshit detector just was not functioning properly. Cause like they all had like, you know, baby dads, they were still very connected to no, there is one whose dad back four years. I was the first guy she dated in four years and he wanted to come back and stuff and he wanted to fight me and I was like, settle down. But um, another child with him and that lasted two weeks and then she wanted to come back to me and it was like, then there was another one that like broke it off three times and kept wanting to come back. It was like, I did this with my ex man. Like no, no on again off again thing, you know.
Speaker 4 00:57:39 Yeah.
Speaker 5 00:57:40 Just really kind of, it was kind of a bomber, you know, like at this, all this on and off stuff. Um, yeah, I don't know. Like since like being like warrantying and stuff, I just kinda reconnected with some like Minneapolis friends that I hadn't talked to in a long time. And I think so it's, I don't think it's necessarily that I like Minnesota girls more than California girls. Cause there's really not much of a difference other than vernacular, but um, and accents. Yeah. That's pretty much I think, I think I'm just kind of, this is new to me and I think I'm just starting to figure it out.
Speaker 4 00:58:17 Yeah. I mean, cause we've only been out of the relationship except for a year and a half now.
Speaker 5 00:58:23 Yeah. And I only moved out of our, you know, we lived together and like I only moved out just a year ago, so. Wow. Yeah.
Speaker 4 00:58:33 So that's still pretty recent. Yeah. I mean 17 years, it's only been a year. I mean they say it takes what, just as much time to process a relationship like that. So, or a year, I guess I should say it takes a year and a process, but
Speaker 5 00:58:52 Yeah, I, I did, um, I'll admit, I jumped back in pretty quickly, but like, you know, on the other hand, like for the past 10 years, without saying too much about it, you know, like, um, for the past 10 years it was not very good, you know,
Speaker 4 00:59:10 Relationships.
Speaker 5 00:59:13 Yeah.
Speaker 4 00:59:21 Should we tweet like talk about anything else you guys think of? Any other, other things to be the boss? I wasn't really able to think of much. Oh, you said you want to talk about ghosting and stuff. Are you gonna, are you going to edit this by the way somebody else's hold, you're going to edit it. I gotta pee. Like you wouldn't believe me. Yeah. Okay. I'll be right back.
Speaker 4 01:00:24 You can find a song. They come back. I'm going to close it up. Hopefully this discussion has been interesting. I'm surprised I don't have to go pee. That's weird talking to myself. So my phone has 20% power. So we should wrap it up. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's fine. We can do that. But those fucking socks, I am not a fan of being ghosted and I hope I don't want to go see anybody. It's so disrespectful. You know? It's like, it's so disrespectful. Like especially when you spend actual time with somebody and then they just, they go see you. I think it speaks more to their character than anything. Like listen, never fucking goals to you. I will write you a five page fucking speech on why I'm not fucking with you anymore. Like I'll never go up to anybody. I'm not going to go to anyone either I have before.
Speaker 4 01:01:53 Um, like there's an example, a guy on a dating app, you know, we'll have this picture and I'm like, and I just know it's not current. And so then I asked him to send me a current photo of him and he's like fucking 59 years old. I'm like, dude, you have to tell people and be honest, like have your current pictures, you know, like be who you are now. Not who you were telling yourself. Yeah. It's not advertising. Yes. So I posted, I was like, that's shitty. And no, you can't do that though. In a situation like that, you can do that because he was right off the bat lying anyways. So he's not therefore like it's not worth your time, but yeah, I would never go see somebody that I was dating and was intimate with. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. It's just shitty.
Speaker 4 01:02:52 I think I was ghosted. It's like, you know, like eventually it just ended up being a ghosted situation and you just don't get closure and you just like for myself, like what happened? I didn't even get a conversation on the phone. I got a fucking breakup text. Yeah. Yeah. It's the worst. Like so disrespectful, you know the best time it's it's especially right now. Like it sucks like to go through stuff like this during this time. Right. Cause then cause then you can't even go out with your friends. Your second home, you can go out. I mean, I don't know where the bars are open. I guess they're open here. You can go into the bars with your masks on and stuff like that. Like no banks, I dunno. Just doesn't sound like fun. No, I'm not like a big bar goer person anyway. Me there. You can't see anyone's teeth, man, exactly.
Speaker 3 01:03:58 Talking to somebody and then it's like, bam, Whoa.
Speaker 4 01:04:05 Yeah. I have to get going soon. Cause I have like 20% of my phone battery, but we were talking about ghosting for a minute and like it's shit. And
Speaker 3 01:04:19 It's very cowardly. I don't know. It happened to me once. I think like since this like dating thing and it was a girl that I really kinda liked and she'd just moved here from Seattle and like I thought we had like a connection and stuff and then poof, she's gone. Like, but I just kind of assumed she found somebody she liked better. And I was like, that's cool, man. Yeah, no, whatever. But I personally, I wouldn't do it, man. It's just so disrespectful. Like to leave somebody hanging like that and wondering like if they did something wrong or like what you didn't like about them. Like, I mean sometimes I mean there's a, it's just, it can be really difficult to explain to someone like why you don't want to be with them and not like really hurt them. But because if it's something really gnarly, you can't just tell them like, Hey, while you're pressing things or like, I don't like get this one word tooth or whatever, you know? Or like, I don't know, man.
Speaker 4 01:05:14 He just like not going to work out. I'm sorry. Yeah.
Speaker 5 01:05:19 That's all you have to do, man.
Speaker 4 01:05:22 But like tell him, tell him, don't just leave somebody hanging and wondering exactly. Yeah. Fuck that shit. Thank you guys for being on I'm. So like fucking, like it's been like three months since I've done. Really? Yeah. I appreciate you too. Being on here and like talking and hopefully like people can relate to this and hopefully they can laugh. Thanks for having us. Yeah. I'll I'll reach out when I find out when this will be on the website, I'll send it to you. Cool. Sounds good. We're now friends. We're all friends now because we are, and then we have the numbers told us is awesome.
Speaker 5 01:06:25 Good to meet you too.
Speaker 4 01:06:29 Have a good night. Bye.
