Datable Rebels - Mixed Bag

[00:00:00] Speaker A: KPI dot.org. [00:00:07] Speaker B: Hey, this is Farrah with the datable rebels. Today we have Miss Brittley Werschlershire. Okay, I totally did not do great with that last name. Today's episode is a mixed bag from speed dating to abusive relationships. Miss Brittley and I have a great conversation. I'm excited. [00:00:38] Speaker A: Hey, Brittley. [00:00:40] Speaker C: Hi, Farrah. How are you? So good, how are you? [00:00:46] Speaker A: I'm good. I've been excited about doing this. [00:00:50] Speaker C: So we have. [00:00:51] Speaker A: This is Farah from the Danville Rebels. And Britley. How do you say your last name, worst suspect? [00:00:58] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, I guess I have a. I have a new old last name. Yeah, it's Wexler, so it's pronounced like an x, so Wexler. [00:01:06] Speaker A: Okay, thank you. I was like, I don't know how to say this, so that's awesome. [00:01:14] Speaker C: Yeah, that's exciting, too, to hear you ask me, like, how to say my last name and having it be, like, new again, I don't know, it just. [00:01:22] Speaker A: Feels liberating, reclaiming your. Your last name. [00:01:28] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:01:29] Speaker A: Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. Hey, yeah, how are you doing? [00:01:35] Speaker C: Oh, my God, I'm doing so well. [00:01:37] Speaker A: Doing good, good, yeah. Hey, yeah, so I just wanted to talk about, well, number one, your speed dating business. [00:01:51] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:01:53] Speaker A: And so we have an event coming up on the 24th, I see. [00:01:59] Speaker C: Yep. [00:02:00] Speaker A: In Stillwater. [00:02:02] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. Liftbridge brewing. So that's our first kind of out of the twin Cities. I don't know, still, like. Yeah, it's close to the Twin Cities, but it's our first kind of out of town location. So, yeah, we're doing a speed dating event at Lifridge Brewing. So we'll see how it goes. [00:02:24] Speaker A: So how long have you been doing? How long have you had your business? [00:02:27] Speaker C: So it's actually been about a year, because maybe a little less than a year. We started really, like, promoting at the state fair. So the state fair was coming out this week, so that's like, we, like, bought t shirts. We were, like, walking around and, like, interviewing people and asking them about, like, who's single? And, like, we had giant QR codes on our back that said, like, single. And then, like, people were just scanning us as we walked, like, what the heck is this weird single shirt? [00:03:00] Speaker A: That's such a great idea. Yeah. Are you gonna go back this year? [00:03:05] Speaker C: I think so, yeah. It's been, like, a really crazy year, so I think we'll find a day to go back. [00:03:13] Speaker A: That would be fun. That'd be super fun. I want to come just to see that. [00:03:16] Speaker C: I was gonna say, you should come. We should all go. [00:03:20] Speaker A: I know. We should make it a thing. I would be down. [00:03:24] Speaker C: That'd be. It's so fun. I love talking to people in, like, crowds and getting people excited with us because, yeah, not everybody sits on the Internet looking for events, so it's just. [00:03:37] Speaker A: So, like, I don't know if you've been on apps lately, but they are. I was on, I don't know, like, whatever, a couple months ago. Whatever. It's just terrible. And everybody tells me they have, like, the similar experience of really not talking to people. [00:03:53] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:03:53] Speaker A: Matching and. Yeah. So it's just discouraging. [00:03:57] Speaker C: I. Yeah, I hear the same thing over and over with the apps. I actually had a friend tell me a horror story about an app, and it, like, yeah, it's just, like, I don't know how. I haven't really had much experience on it, but it sounds like a nightmare. [00:04:17] Speaker A: What happened to your friend? Can you tell? [00:04:19] Speaker C: Well, I don't. Okay. Maybe I'll be very discreet about the story. [00:04:24] Speaker A: I will. [00:04:25] Speaker C: So she was talking to a guy in there, and they were vibing on the fact that they had about that, like, men suck and, like, how they get, like, are all these, like, catfish, and they treat women horribly, and blah, blah, blah. And then they planned on a date. They're talking for a while, and then the day of the date, he, like, randomly blocked her on everything out of nowhere. And they're. [00:04:50] Speaker A: They live. [00:04:51] Speaker C: They live in the same neighborhood. And she happened to see him because she recognized this photo that night because she was driving around at, like, the store in the parking lot, rolled her window down, and just was, like, laden to have, and it was good. [00:05:10] Speaker A: I know. [00:05:10] Speaker C: She's like, it felt so good, but. [00:05:13] Speaker A: I'm like, yeah, yeah. [00:05:14] Speaker C: And I guess she's just like, I don't even know what happened, but I guess, like, again, like, weird. She assumed that weird men were, like, you know, like, they fulfill their ego, and then once they get what they need out of it. So, like, I'm gonna block you because I don't have the courage to, like, I just want to get that feel good of, like, that instant you like me, we like each other, and then that's it. We're not really gonna go on a date. So it's like. [00:05:39] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:05:40] Speaker C: It's just crazy. It just. So many weird personalities and, like, I don't know. Without meeting in person organically and having that connection, I just don't see how you couldn't get a full picture of somebody because you. You can hide behind a keyboard. You can be anybody. So anyways, that's very crazy story. [00:06:03] Speaker A: I know. And you could, like, make up crazy, you know, just stories about yourself and what you do and who you are and then never meet the person and never know. So I feel like I want to go to one of your dating events just to see, because I haven't been to one. I've been to the comedy one, which I love that you guys do. [00:06:28] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:06:32] Speaker A: Comedy. What is it called? [00:06:34] Speaker C: The funny Bachelor. So that's. Yeah. So that one's actually. Frankie Runquist does that. And I have no part of it except for the fact that I appreciate it. And I helped her get into a certain venue because I was like, you guys have to have this here. Awesome. But we are doing a combined event for the first time on the 7th, where we're gonna have, like, a single mixer in the beginning where we kind of play games. It's all ages. You get to know each other, like, icebreaker questions. And then after that, if you want to, like, after you kind of meet people, you can participate in the dating show or watch the people that you just met go on the dating show. It's up to you. So it's kind of like a more. It gets more real when you get to know the people right before the show and then. [00:07:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:31] Speaker C: So we're going to see how that goes. That's exciting. That's going to be in St. Paul. I think it's called Warriors Garden. They just changed the name, so it was the natrium, but they all changed their names. [00:07:45] Speaker A: Okay. [00:07:45] Speaker C: Yeah. So it's going to be really fun. [00:07:48] Speaker A: I'm gonna go to that. I wanna video it and just, like, go live and stuff and. Yeah, I'll just be there. Be there documenting. [00:07:57] Speaker C: It's so fun. And, I mean, what are you doing Saturday night? Come by the Stillwater one. [00:08:04] Speaker A: Yeah, I work until, like, five, so I totally could. Yeah. [00:08:08] Speaker C: Just drop by after. Yeah, yeah, it'd be fun. [00:08:12] Speaker A: Is there anything that you, like, notice that's a common thing with the people that go to your events? Is there anything that stands out? [00:08:23] Speaker C: Well, there's a few things. Well, kind of what we just mentioned, a lot of people are having a hard time with dating apps specifically. And I just think that we're moving towards a world of not, like, getting out as much because, like, technology and, like, everything's on an app and we're working so much, and we're very, like, separate. Like, we're in this world where we're separate, you know? And so a lot of people have the common thing, like, where do I meet people? And I hear a lot Minnesotans do not. Like, they're hard to break. Like, they're bubbles. I guess that's it. Yeah. So, like, Minnesotans are the hardest to get to come hang out or go do stuff or, you know, get, like, be adventurous and steer away from their friend group, and it's interesting. [00:09:16] Speaker A: Yeah, it's kind of true, actually. [00:09:19] Speaker C: Yeah. Are you from Minnesota? Mm hmm. Yeah, me too. [00:09:24] Speaker A: I feel like I shouldn't be, though. I feel like I'm like. No. Yeah. [00:09:29] Speaker C: Cause you don't seem like. You don't seem like that type. Because there's some rare ones that are, like. [00:09:36] Speaker A: Right. You don't either. You seem like you're pretty open and, you know, just open to many things and. Yeah, over here. [00:09:47] Speaker C: Yeah. But I guess that's not normal. Most of us are not like that, I guess. [00:09:54] Speaker A: I think in the wintertime, especially, nobody wants to go anywhere, but they're like, oh, imagine that. [00:09:59] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. And maybe that's part of it. Like, maybe we're so used to, like, battening down the hatches in the winter that we get so used to being alone and, like, with our little group. I don't know. [00:10:15] Speaker A: I feel like Covid has changed a lot of things. What do you think? I mean. [00:10:21] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. People are still weird about being outside, so, like, around the people. [00:10:28] Speaker A: Yeah. And the interacting with each other has gotten really weird, too. [00:10:35] Speaker C: Mm hmm. I think so. And especially, too, like, a lot of offices haven't really gone back. Once they go, like, work from home, a lot of them still haven't gone back to, like, office scenes. And I feel like that can mess with people because they're so used to being. Working from home and not, like, going into the office and having a routine to talking to people or, hey, how's it going? Hey. Like, you know, so I think that would probably have a big effect, too, on people. [00:11:04] Speaker A: Yeah. I talked to some of my clients when I keep doing massage, and they're like, I really. I've been working from home for too long. I don't know how to talk to people anymore. You know, like, I need to be at the office. Yeah. [00:11:22] Speaker C: Yeah. You kind of need it for your own mental health. Like, we are social creatures, and we need people. And more than, you know, I just. I notice a lot more social anxiety, like, that term being thrown around. Like, I have social anxiety. I have social anxiety. And it's. It's interesting. I just wonder where that, you know, stems from. Because we are social creatures, and I. I don't know. Like, in my experience, people aren't that scary. Like, if you talk to somebody, they're usually open. And if they're not, you know what I mean? You see the signs, like, oh, this person doesn't want me talking to them. It's like. It's just very interesting, I guess. [00:12:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:02] Speaker C: Maybe we should talk to a therapist, see what they think about it. [00:12:07] Speaker A: The idea of people that's scarier than the actual people. You know what I mean? Like, when you. [00:12:13] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, yeah. And that's kind of what, like, a lot of what we do in our speed dating is breaking that. That idea. Like, it's not like, look, it's not scary. You can sit down. Because we have these games that are like, they're. I don't know. I like to push the envelope. And some people have told me, hey, I don't know, this game might be a little bit too much for strangers. And I'm like, I gotta think about that. Like, maybe I should change it. But we have these games where it's like, there's cards. What is the name of it? It's like, I don't remember the name of it exactly, but there's these cards that all have, like, oh, I think it's called most likely to. And they have all these things, like, most likely to, you know, and it has a scenario like leave their shoes untied and trip, or play a d and d game or something like that. And so you get to read these, and then you get to, like, not knowing anybody, hand it to somebody and tell them why they chose that. And then. And then have that person have an opportunity to say something about it. Like, oh, this is totally me. Or, oh, no. Or yes. Or maybe somebody at the table is like, actually, that's more me. You know what I mean? As far as conversation about that. And so a lot of people, like, this is, like, the most uncomfortable thing is to try to give this to a stranger. It's like you're judging them or you're, like, free judging them. But I just think it's, like, a fun, silly way to, like, open up conversation. But I don't know. Yeah, that's just me. I like to throw them into the deep ends. [00:13:55] Speaker A: I think that's fun. I learned one in improv class, and I was like, oh, my God, this should be used. It's like, so you sit across from each other, and you notice, like, I would say you have earrings on and then you would say you have a bun or something and you have red hair, and then it kind of gets, it's hard. It was at least hard for me to not get into the depth, you know, like you look like you might be feeling, you know what I mean? Or thinking or whatever. So it's like, you should use that. [00:14:29] Speaker C: Oh, my God. That's kind of cool. It's like real life. Guess who? [00:14:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Just, just noticing and being present with the person, right? So like, you're just super present and you're noticing really simple things and then it can kind of form into something a little deeper. [00:14:44] Speaker C: Oh, I love that. That would be such a fun thing to do. And that's interesting for an improv class because that's what you have to do on a whim, is pick out stuff that, and that's, wow, that's cool. [00:15:00] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Super fun. Love it. That's good. So, so how. So, so you're going, how is, how is hosting speed getting. Going through a divorce? [00:15:17] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. So I. Yeah, so I guess when I start, it's very interesting because I guess I could backtrack when we started this, Laura and I are the ones who run the speed dating. And we met when we were hosting a, not hosting. We both worked in catering and we were bartending for a soccer game that was supposed to be 3000 guests. So we had alcohol and a bar that we set up for 3000 people. And there was about 200 people there, so it was pretty boring. And we sat and we just talked for the whole time about how at the time I was happily married, which I thought, and then she just called off her wedding and was like, I have this event space that I need to use because it's all, she doesn't get a full refund and she still has this event space and she's like, and I want to get back out there because I don't want, like, I want to, you know, find my person. And after talking, we kind of hit the idea of feed dating would be awesome because, like, online dating sucks and blah, blah, blah. And yes, we kind of started this around the shared idea that we wanted to bring people together in like, less, like, because I'm always like, yeah, I hate apps and I'm super against it and I really enjoy throwing events. So anyways, that's how we started. It's kind of crazy. And so looking, a year later, I'm divorced. And she actually met her person at one of our speed dating events and they just got a house together. Yeah, I'm saying, like, it's just. A lot can happen in a year. It's so crazy. So throughout the speed dating process, my relationship, my marriage was getting really rocky. And I know at some points I would be like, this is ridiculous, because I'm here promoting, like, love and a good lifestyle. My marriage sucks. [00:17:33] Speaker A: Right. That's so fucking hard to do. [00:17:37] Speaker C: Yeah. And at first, we are supposed to, like, he was gonna come to the events and be like, we're a married couple. We want to give advice, and blah, blah, blah. Well, that wasn't the case. And, yeah, it was weird at first, but then, you know, this. It was actually therapeutic because I got to talk to a lot of the women about their, like, marriage and their divorce, and it became a almost like, again, bringing a community together. Because speed dating is also not just about finding that one person. It's also about, like, building a community, meeting other people who are also single and relating and meeting friends. And so I actually learned a lot and kind of helped me go through my divorce better by meeting these amazing women and talking to them. So, yeah, that was a. Yeah, that was really cool. So kind of created my own support system without knowing that I needed it. [00:18:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Super, super important. And, yeah, you forget that that is. It is a community, you know, like, and we all need each other and. Yeah, so even if people aren't really looking for their partner per se, they could just meet people just to hang out with and. [00:18:54] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. And even just. I'm pretty, like, I believe in, like, if you want something that's not gonna just come to you, so it's like, repetition and, like, going out there and practicing talking to people. And so if you're doing the speed dating, even if you're just practicing talking to these, like, girls or guys that you're not necessarily attracted to, you can learn how to conversate by, like, doing it repetitively and in five minute little sections and. [00:19:26] Speaker A: Yeah, it's. [00:19:28] Speaker C: I think it's all around great. [00:19:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I love it. It's really good practice for people in general, in society, because we're all like. [00:19:36] Speaker C: Yeah, how do you do this again? [00:19:39] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. People need to. Need to check out your events. [00:19:45] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. I think the biggest thing, too, I always tell people is, you know, be ready to just be open to talking to a stranger, because that's one thing's like, oh, my God. And it's like, well, it's. It's good. It's good to talk to people you normally wouldn't talk to, even if it's not like, a romantic. Like, this doesn't all have to be romance. It could just be like, oh, hey, what do you do? That's so interesting. Wow, that's so cool that, like, you know, like, I. In the beginning, we did, because we kind of, we've never done speed dating when we started this company, so we were a part of it, so I got to be a part of the. Dating is, like the practice table. So, like, you can't date her because she's married, but, you know, you can chat with her and, you know, like, you can practice, ask her questions. Like, use this as a resource. And I got to know a lot of these guys. It's so cool. Like, there's jobs that I didn't even know existed out there, and, like, yeah, it's just fun. Like, I. Like, you've heard of, like, speed friending or speed networking. It's like, even if you're not trying to find romance, like, I would love to do that just to, like, get to know outside of your little circle. [00:21:02] Speaker A: Do you get. I agree, and that's awesome. Come to the next one. Do you have any advice for people that there are people? Because I had a few events. One was the THC event, so there was kind of, like, people seem to, when they get nervous, need some sort of, like, a drink, you know, alcohol or something to just relieve the anxiety. [00:21:30] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:21:31] Speaker A: Or so they say. Yeah, yeah. I mean. [00:21:36] Speaker C: That'S. Yeah, that's definitely common. A lot of our events are at bars, so people do drink. There's a lot of people that don't drink as well. And I, you know, nerves are normal, and I think it does help people, but I. That's, like, kind of a whole nother rabbit hole where I'm like, yeah, you. [00:22:00] Speaker A: Don'T think about, like, right. And now I'm thinking about, like, safety. Like, how do you vet the people and what if. What, how does it happen? Like, are you connected to, you know. Yeah. Yeah. This is a lot of questions. [00:22:15] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a really good question. So safety is our biggest, like, one of our biggest concerns if you're at our event, I always say, too, just, like, watch your drink. Just in general, as you're moving from table to table. Don't, like, watch your drink. We always have eyes. Like, we are really protective of our women, especially. And so I always say, if you make sure we don't want people drinking a lot, first of all, if you feel uncomfortable with somebody, tell us right away. And we've had situations where women have said some things and we kind of had to sit down and talk to them. We have, like, if we have, like, more than one complaint about someone, they're, like, they're out. [00:23:02] Speaker A: Good. [00:23:03] Speaker C: We really wanted two background checks, but that's, like, a whole another level. [00:23:08] Speaker A: I thought about that, actually. [00:23:10] Speaker C: Yeah. But us being women and being very involved in the process, that's, like. That's kind of also what makes us different from, like, these bigger companies. Like, there's one from the UK that comes in and just, like. Like, you know, you go to a hotel lobby, it's, like, kind of, like, stiff, and they don't have, like, a really good connection with people in there where we're, like, hands on. We see what's happening. We see what kind of guys are in here. We. And we'll give them the boot if it gets weird, if it's inappropriate. So. And also having the price point being at about, like, $40 a ticket, like. Or, like, around there, it's. It's enough for, like, somebody to not just have some weirdo come in, just to, like, we want to make sure that these people are actually serious about dating and not there to be slimy. [00:24:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:03] Speaker C: And I think that goes. Yeah. [00:24:08] Speaker A: But, yeah. Because if they pay, at least they're showing some sort of, you know, like, real interest and I, you know, commitment to. [00:24:18] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:24:19] Speaker A: Meeting people, maybe not being a soccer theater. [00:24:22] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. And we talk to everybody. So we. If you're a weirdo and we're women, we got. We got the vibes. Oh, yeah. [00:24:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:30] Speaker C: We will give you the boot. So, yeah. [00:24:35] Speaker A: The intuition for sure kicks in. So, trying to think of my other questions. Wait, so your upcoming event is August 24 in Stillwater at Liftbridge. Lift. [00:24:59] Speaker C: Yeah. Lift bridge brewing. Yep. [00:25:02] Speaker A: September 7 in St. Paul is the live dating show. [00:25:07] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:25:08] Speaker A: Where's. [00:25:10] Speaker C: I think that's warriors garden. Let me just double check, because I just like. Yeah, I should have this, but it just changed the name, like I said, so I just like the warriors garden hemp and wellness. So that's. Yeah, I think it's east St. Paul, maybe. Yeah. So. [00:25:36] Speaker A: The land of 10,000 days is your business. [00:25:39] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. So it's. Stassi is kind of is the business. And it's land of 10,000 dates for the speed dating. [00:25:49] Speaker A: Good deal. And then you also have a podcast. [00:25:52] Speaker C: Yes. [00:25:53] Speaker A: Excelsior. [00:25:55] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. Me personally, I have a podcast, excelsior, where I. Where I had you on as a guest. Yeah. And I share stories of artists and entrepreneurs in the twin cities and kind of share what they're doing. And again, like, I have a theme of I in my life where I just want to bring people together because I think it strengthens us as a whole and I think eliminates negativity because sometimes, sometimes you talk, you don't understand the full story. Some people, and like, if you knew what somebody was going through to get to where they were and like, the obstacles and how hard it was, I think that we would have a lot more compassion for people and maybe more drive within us. So I started Excelsior to kind of open those doors, share stories of people who have done really cool things and show what they did to get there and, like, you know, who they are behind the business or behind the art or, you know. So, yeah, I love it. [00:27:08] Speaker A: I love it. And you had just recently had the most interesting, wasn't the most interesting podcast. [00:27:16] Speaker C: Oh, top ten countdown, that was. [00:27:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:21] Speaker C: My three year anniversary. I decided to look at my stats and I shared the, out of the three years, the top ten most listened to episodes and I did like a countdown. So, yeah, it was interesting for even me because I never really look at that. I'm shocked to see who is listen to the most. And, you know, it's just so interesting what people. And I wonder, and I wonder how people find it. Is it like from scrolling through the episodes or is it like they have more friends or more interests? I don't know, it's just. Yeah, it's cool, right? [00:28:02] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. I totally thought it was going to be Scott Seacoans. [00:28:06] Speaker C: He is on there. [00:28:08] Speaker A: I know. I thought he was going to be like the winner. [00:28:11] Speaker C: Number one. I know. The number one was surprising for me. Yeah. I love it, though. Yeah, well, that's. [00:28:20] Speaker A: I love it. I love everything that you're doing. You also do photography and you're learning like how to do carpentry. Carpentry stuff. [00:28:29] Speaker C: Yeah, I am. Yeah. I was doing an apprentice, but I doing a lot less now just because I want to focus on some other aspects of my life. So kind of give more energy to the speed dating and photography stuff. [00:28:44] Speaker A: So nice. I love it. I love everything that you're doing. [00:28:50] Speaker C: Oh, thank you. [00:28:51] Speaker A: I appreciate you and the community and bringing people together because I also, you know, have that same, that same passion to bring people together and I just. I love that you're doing it. [00:29:05] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. That's like what I. I think we vibe the most. And I was like, oh, my gosh, we have to be friends. [00:29:11] Speaker A: Like, we could. [00:29:12] Speaker C: We could do some damage to the. [00:29:14] Speaker A: Community, some good damage. Yeah. [00:29:17] Speaker C: Some positive damage, some. [00:29:19] Speaker A: We could do some serious construction. [00:29:22] Speaker C: Is that a better term? [00:29:24] Speaker A: I like it. [00:29:26] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:29:27] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. We should. We will one of these days, for sure. [00:29:31] Speaker C: I think we already are. Even in small doses, you know? Yeah, I agree. [00:29:37] Speaker A: I agree. [00:29:39] Speaker C: I know. And I think we're getting it because I just had a metaphysics coach on my podcast last. I just released it. Yeah. And she said, this is. We're in period nine, I believe, and women are coming into power and starting to. Yeah. Take control. [00:30:03] Speaker A: Yeah. And you can see it. [00:30:05] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:30:05] Speaker A: You could totally see it. And hopefully we have a woman. Woman president. Oh, yeah. [00:30:11] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. I think we will. That would be great. [00:30:13] Speaker A: Yeah, I think so. I think it's going to happen. Yeah. I want to check that out because I don't even know what that means, like, in power nine, period nine. [00:30:23] Speaker C: I think we just. [00:30:24] Speaker A: Okay. [00:30:25] Speaker C: Yeah, I think. I think that's what it was. We left period eight and we're entering period nine, which is all these changes. It's so interesting. I really recommend. It's Amy Tyson loves nerd gummies or something. That's the last episode. It's really good. She taught me a lot. I feel like just after my episode with her, my life changed. That's why all my leaving my husband, because my life wasn't really, you know, going in the direction I wanted to. And, like, leaning into these, like, she gave me a list of powerful days and times that I like that are, like, times of action because it's going to be, like, the most powerful. And I use those days and look at me like I. So fast. Like, my life has changed a 180 in the direction that I wanted. And it's. I was like, okay, I believe everything you say. [00:31:25] Speaker A: I'm gonna listen. Yeah, I'm gonna check that out. That sounds awesome. [00:31:31] Speaker C: It is. That's right up my alley. Yeah. [00:31:34] Speaker A: Wow. [00:31:34] Speaker C: Hey, yeah, speaking of your alley, the moon last night, did you do anything or did you tell me about it? [00:31:41] Speaker A: Yeah, I went on a date. I'm dating dating person. Good. And we went up to the witch's tower and tried to see the moon, but it didn't really. We didn't know. And then we went down to the Franklin Bridge. It was beautiful. [00:31:58] Speaker C: Cool. [00:31:59] Speaker A: What about you? [00:32:01] Speaker C: Well, so I actually just had a few people over my new place, a little backyard barbecue. And then. Yeah. Just celebrated a good friend's birthday, and it's just nice to be under that moon, you know? It's, like, beautiful. [00:32:24] Speaker A: It's powerful. It was powerful. Like, I was kind of sitting in my feelings for a while yesterday, and I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna get up. I'm gonna get up and do some stuff. And. Yeah, it shifted fast, so cool. [00:32:41] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:32:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:42] Speaker C: Did you meet your data on bumble or any of that? [00:32:45] Speaker A: No, no, he's. He's a friend of a mutual friend, so I met him. [00:32:54] Speaker C: Oh, cool. Very cool. [00:32:57] Speaker A: I'm never getting again, so it's happening. Damn it. [00:33:01] Speaker C: Oh, you're the beginning of the puppy love. [00:33:06] Speaker A: Mm hmm. [00:33:10] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:33:13] Speaker A: What did you say? [00:33:14] Speaker C: Butterflies are a bad thing? [00:33:17] Speaker A: There's a possibility, like. Well, yeah, when you get. You know, like when you get all excited about someone in the beginning when they basically. If they love bomb you, stuff like that. Like. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you feel safe with someone, and then you kind of grow into whatever that is, and then you feel butterflies, too, I think there's nothing wrong with that, right? [00:33:40] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, no, I. I think that's pretty normal. But how do you. Okay, sorry. Do we need to end this? I don't know. I'm just going to. I have so many questions for you now. Can I share that? My marriage was a narcissistic marriage where he loved bomb me, and then when we got married, the true self came out. And I just want to know, like, because you know a little bit about this. What? How do you know the difference between love bombing and real love? [00:34:21] Speaker A: I feel like that's a really interesting question. I feel like. I feel like I've only been in real love once, honestly. But I feel like it's something where, you know, it's like. It feels, um, not so heightened, all that, you know, heightened and, like. Like roller coastery. Right? [00:34:42] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:34:42] Speaker A: Like, this is sustainable. This is sustainable. Uh, love or feeling connection. Um. Uh, and really good sex. Really good sex is always great. Hopefully, that's in every relationship that everybody has. I don't know. I mean, really? [00:35:06] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:35:07] Speaker A: I don't know how to answer that one, but I feel like narcissists, like, if they're. If their masks come out, if they change, then, you know, that that wasn't the real. How long did it take for him to, like, show. [00:35:22] Speaker C: To reveal? Yeah, about. About nine months. Yeah, maybe seven. Seven to nine. Yeah. [00:35:32] Speaker A: And then we don't notice because of those love chemicals. Right. So we're like, at least love chemicals. And we're like, oh, it's fine. [00:35:40] Speaker C: Oh, the love chemicals. Yeah, they get to you, and then it's kind of like. Well, yeah, because it's kind of like you start to see these trickles of, like, oh, yeah, you can't keep a job. It's taking you a really long time to, you know, do anything responsible. But that's okay. I'm in love. It's okay. [00:36:02] Speaker A: Well, and then there was, like, your addict alcohol thing, too, right? [00:36:05] Speaker C: Like, there was like, yeah, the alcohol was definitely a big element with that. Yeah. So that, like, oh, yeah, it was like, I'm sober. And then they actually, well, he, I can say he. But I was married, and he would actually, like, he got sober to date me. And then once we started dating, he'd be like, let's just celebrate. I'm going to just have one drink a month. And then one drink a month went from, like, that. I'm just going to have one a weekend. I'm going to have one every day. I'm going to have one in the morning. And I'm like, you know I'm sober, right? I did tell you that it was really important to me, sobriety. Right? Like, it was just like, what the hell happened? [00:36:51] Speaker A: I think so in. Sorry. [00:36:54] Speaker C: No, that's. Yeah. [00:36:55] Speaker A: Um, I think in my experience with my last relationship, um, definitely, I can say he's an alcoholic. Hopefully not anymore, but was. And, like, I feel like there are some definite, like, narcissistic traits of alcoholics and addicts, but I don't feel like he was, like, a narcissist. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, but I. But when you are addicted to something, nothing else matters. You're just so selfish and so just. [00:37:31] Speaker C: Yeah. And when you're sick, it's hard to think about anyone else because you're not well and you shouldn't be with anyone. [00:37:40] Speaker A: Else, like, fucking them up. Anyways. We have choices. I'm glad you got out of it. Mm hmm. [00:37:48] Speaker C: Thank you. Thank you. Me too. [00:37:52] Speaker A: Yeah, you're so, you're, like, you already. You already were just, like, happy and bubbly and stuff, but you feel lighter. [00:38:00] Speaker C: Yeah. It's interesting because my personality is all around. Like, I choose happiness no matter what. Like, I, like, do that. And so this whole year, like, the hell that I've been through with, like, the alcoholism, the abuse, the, like, destroying the house when he's drunk, like, I still push through and would show, like, how do I fight through this? How do I stay happy? How do I continue this and not crumble? And it was, I mean, honestly, I've been making a plan to get out for probably a year, you know? And it took me that long to just stay positive and know that, like, you just, you know, get your ducks in a row to get, like, you know, so it's interesting. It's. It's hard, but now I can really be happy, if that makes sense. Like, I'm like, I always choose happiness, but it was a hard time, but now it's like, I just feel so good. Like, my happiness can actually align with my lifestyle, if that makes sense. [00:39:02] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm so glad you got out of it. Oh, my God, a year. It's harder than people even think it is. Like, and I've never been married, but. [00:39:12] Speaker C: That'S, like, pretty good. Like, people stay in toxic marriages forever because you really do get stuck because there's fears separate. [00:39:23] Speaker A: Well, there's something in the brain that happens, actually. Um, I forget what it's called. Well, it's definitely, like, disassociation and stuff, but there's something chemically that happens in the brain when you are being abused over and over again and you just kind of, like, stay there. It's like trauma bonding. It's like. Yeah. And you want it to. You just. It's going to get better. It's going to get better. It never does, but you always think it's going to, and it's like a mind fuck. [00:39:51] Speaker C: Yeah. Or like, I guess I'm. For me, I'm like, it was torn between, like, okay, I do love this person. I know who he is. Right. Because we have this bond in the beginning that maybe he's just sick. Maybe he just needs help. Maybe we could get him help or, like, maybe, you know, or something like that. Like, he's just having a rough time. Like, he just needs to get his life together. I can help him, but it's like. [00:40:14] Speaker A: No, no, he needs to help himself, and hopefully he. You don't have to do is work and whatever, but that's not your. [00:40:22] Speaker C: Yeah. And I guess the thing that, like, really, like, with the situation pushes me to think about all the women that are in these situations that feel stuck. Like, there should be some sort of. [00:40:36] Speaker A: Like, we need a community around that. Because I remember feeling like I was gonna fucking die. Like I was gonna die. That's how I felt. Like, straight up, I was like, I'm just going to die because it's so bad and I'm not taking care of myself, and I'm so, like, fucked up, and I don't know what to do and. You know what I mean? So. [00:40:56] Speaker C: Well, you're. Yeah, you were in a similar situation, like, with alcoholism in a toxic relationship. [00:41:04] Speaker A: It was super verbally abusive and emotionally abusive and all this stuff. And like not a bad person, but just like the addiction was terrible and making that person not good. So I mean, you know, and like there's, so there's all this like a spectrum of situations and I just, yeah, we need to have a community of support around that because, yeah, it's hard. [00:41:29] Speaker C: To get out of it. It is. And I just feel for people who might not have as big of a support system is, you know, like you or I or, you know, just especially people who don't have family or have good self confidence or someone who can be a better victim to this because, because I was able to see like this is not right. I need to get out. Even for me being like a strong person that I think I am, I'm like, oh my God, like, yeah, yeah. [00:42:02] Speaker A: It sucks you in hard. [00:42:04] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:42:06] Speaker A: So anyway, I'm so glad you're out. Thank you. [00:42:11] Speaker C: I know, I am too. I'm still not totally divorced, I'm still waiting on the papers to go through, but you know, we're working on it. [00:42:19] Speaker A: Yeah, it's happening. It's already happened. Yeah. Wow. Well, thank you so much for being on and for talking about everything and just being like open and honest and yeah, hopefully it opens up space for like other women and people to, you know, think about leaving if they need to leave and you know, all that. And then also leave this beginning, you know, like going out and meeting people and maybe that's a way to create the community and kind of like moving out of that or something, you know. [00:42:55] Speaker C: Yeah, it's all. I think there should even be like we should do coaching about like how to find the person so you're not, you know, how to weed out those types of people when you are dating like right away. So anyways, there's a lot of stuff ahead. [00:43:09] Speaker A: Yeah, we need to get together. Yeah, definitely. [00:43:13] Speaker C: Absolutely. Well thanks Farah. [00:43:16] Speaker A: Yeah, thank you so much. [00:43:18] Speaker B: Thanks for listening everybody. I totally appreciate you. If you want to check out Brittley's speed dating events, check out land of 10,000 dates. If you're having problems in your relationship and you're being abused in some way, please reach out to a therapist or to your community. It's a big deal. Again, thank you for listening and I will be back. Take care.